What I am perhaps I’ll never know. What I’m shown is what I wish I didn’t know. Perception is tricky and now I see you weren’t as down for me as you promised to be.

In ways absolutely yes you were down for me. That doesn’t erase the heartbreak that followed when the realization hit, I had trusted the wrong one with my precious soul. When we spoke and I said baby I have to fly can you hold me down and make sure you don’t stop the process… I asked can you handle it?

I said if not I wouldn’t go further you assured me that you could hold me down while I soared and then while I trusted I got pushed out of the door. You’re still here standing by my side but how can I trust you with me when it has all been based on lies?

These realizations and truths that have been spilling out show me a bigger picture and what it’s all about.

When you walked in I didn’t realize how many would walk out all that I had accomplished and achieved was slowly being taken away. Eventually always replaced by something better so it makes it really hard to say.

Did you come here to cause destruction or to clear it all away? Either way I can’t blame only you love without pain that I could feel on impact was a dream I had fought to keep alive. So let’s talk signs as we drive and as I write this Sabotage by the Beastie Boys comes on and I take a breath and pay attention to the writing on the wall.

If I stay will you be my biggest downfall? Love isn’t a question we both know it’s there but what else is hidden behind the premise of “I care”? If you believed in me as you said you did I wouldn’t be finding all of these truths you hid.

Now let’s look at your life since you walked in was it destructive too? Or was there a door opened for you? A door leading to all you have desired but could not gain on your own? Nicer newer cars, a nicer home vacations and experiences. While your quality of life substantially changed for the best my quality of life substantially decreased.

Others have their opinions and I can see where perceptions can get in the way but at the end of the day the facts are all that remain.

How can I stay when there is no trust, how can you expect to move forward when now I know I cannot trust you? What did you expect would happen when it all came to light?