When I realized I couldn’t deny the truth of who the person I thought I loved was supposed to be over what I wanted or even allowed myself to see, That was the turning point for me. I believed for so long if only I was patient and gave her unconditional love ; If I was understanding and forgiving she would change finally, choosing to stop hurting me. I mean at that point I was convinced it wasn’t her fault, how could I possibly blame her after the childhood she had ; regardless of the fact that my childhood was far worse. I couldn’t see that while I chose to be better then I had known, she was more then happy loving as she was taught. The real truth is I could see her for what she was doing and choosing and I did, I just didn’t want to admit it because then I had to take accountability for allowing it to continue. I couldn’t understand that it was okay to stop letting her treat me horribly because this is what I had always known love to be. If I am being completely honest my entire life up until three years ago, I absolutely thought that this was love. It was the only love I had ever known or seen, it was the same everywhere I looked so it reinforced that belief. Yes other families displayed it in different ways, some had it better, some had it worse, some didn’t survive it. Still if you broke it down taking all the relationships I had been around.. friends and family, the differences didn’t matter the way it was all handled were still from the same basic structure. Love as we were taught and learned, it always went so against what felt right. I remember being beat and being told it was in the name of love, I remember love that wasn’t unconditional or fair, love hurt… if you didn’t give everything that was asked of you, if you tried to say no it was held against you and used to punish you later. Love didn’t mean I can come to you when something was wrong and you would make it better, instead love meant I trust that I can come to you on my part and when I do you will find away to make it my fault and I will be punished. Love meant if I did things you didn’t like I was thrown away and told I wasn’t wanted. Love didn’t encourage my dreams it only told me in every way at how my dreams weren’t realistic and how I would fail so I shouldn’t try. Love didn’t support my emotions and feelings love didn’t nurture me. Love taught me to use violence against those who wanted to hurt me because words were useless. Love taught me that I wasn’t good enough. I was too fat, too broken, my hair was a curly crazy rats nest and no one wanted me around. Love to me was pain and fear it is just what happened. So when I believed I had found my one while I was going through a major awakening/dark night/ reaping the consequences of all that I had allowed in life. Even while knowing what this was wasn’t right, or that it couldn’t really be love,I decided I wouldn’t give up this time I would do better. The love I was taught sucked and hurt and I had already decided that it wasn’t love. So I loved like I always have believed love should be, just as I tried to do better with my children. I couldn’t let this be their reality and it would be if I didn’t change it now. I started to hold her accountable because she was still giving me the only love she ever really accepted to be real. I tried to help her but with each time I did and gave all of me.. she only kept taking and using it against me… why? Because I allowed it. I only further lost myself and the more I lost, the more I broke until I found myself fighting for the will to live and no one was coming to save my kids or me but myself.

I started seeing the gaslighting for what it was and as I played our relationship back in my mind, reading through the emails I had written to myself to release some of the pain of our relationship.

I finally let myself see that I was dealing with a master narcissist. I may never know if it was fully intentional or if it was planned, I do know that in her way she loved me the best she could as the others before including my parents. Fast forward 3 years later, I can stand in my truth and say she has never really fully changed.

I know she is absolutely aware and I am not saying she didn’t try in her own ways but the fact remains she is still unhealed and when angry she is blinded by darkness and rage. At times it was so bad I had no other choice then to try and show not only her but myself that I wasn’t crazy. I began recording conversations because I started to believe her mind games. I genuinely thought I was losing my mind, she would purposefully and intentionally say something and start a fight and then convince me I said it. When I caught her and had physical proof on tape, I went to show her, she laughed in my face telling me she knows what she is doing.

I had no choice left in the matter ; The abuse, torment, struggle, loss and neglect were too much.

No matter what I gave her or she stole from me, no matter how I tried, no matter how I spoke honestly and asked her to stop doing things like stealing from me and leaving us with no money for basic household needs because her desires were more important. It didn’t matter that I was asking her and begging her to stop if she really loved me, to stop destroying me. It never changed for more then a few days. I had no choice now. I had to choose my children and myself because it was never and would never be enough to fill the void she held within her. The worst part is that it had nothing to do with me, but I still had to pay for it all and I wasn’t the only one.

I finally left and yes it hurt more then anything. I was so scared and left feeling broken and alone, all my worst fears & beliefs from a trauma filled childhood absolutely reconfirmed yet again by another shitty relationship. So I took time for me to heal and really figure out who I was because I no longer knew me and to be honest I didn’t really know my kids anymore either. The pain around our hearts became too intense to bare and all because I allowed it in. So now I am a single mom of 2 hurt and confused teenagers, I am broke & alone trying to make it all better and yet find a way to keep breathing because the weight of it all is collapsing my chest and what I wouldn’t give for a moment of peace. We’re in a new state and the way we got here ensures I would be left with minimal help if any at all. I broke all the way open. I couldn’t hold it back anymore. I began to release all the pain and trauma as i worked through all the beliefs I adopted in my past. As I healed, the way forward became clearer as I walked into this new chapter of my life. After healing and understanding what I wanted in a relationship and in a person, I decided I wouldn’t settle for anything less. Boundaries high, clear expectations in place and if you weren’t capable of clear communication and comprehension it wasn’t for me. I had set my standards high because I had taken the time while healing to not only heal myself but start to heal my children as well, no longer could I be blind to the pain I had caused them. I didn’t stop there. I continued to better myself, I added more degrees to my portfolio and started doing all the things I had forgotten that I loved to do. I took time and got to know people, weeding them out one at a times and then when I least expected it and no longer wanted it. That point changed it all.. I had felt it coming I just didn’t know what it was, I only knew it was going to be something amazing and that was putting it mildly. This is where love as it was always intended found me. Now there is no falling out of love because love is like the fairy tale I dreamed it was but never really believed possible! I never realized the love that we were taught was really pain disguised as love before experiencing true love. The love I have now is healing, it is patient, it is kind and it is whole. I now realize you cannot fall out of something you never fell into. The love we now continue to build together is one built on a strong foundation of communication, honesty, truth, love, respect, and trust. We may rock as we find balance while maneuvering through the last bits of trauma in relationships of the past and guiding each other in our truth but there is no fall.

Wait they say to think for yourself but stay out of your mind what does that even mean???

1. Yes you should absolutely think and rationalize and question everything.

2. No stay out of your mind.

Wait? What? How? Why?

Okay breath and calm down let me explain because yes your right without this explanation you get stuck!

Simply #2 means begin to rely on your intuition/knowing/instincts/ the feeling in your stomach you get when you’re doing something wrong and you know it.

Which means you know what is right for you instantly you feel what your answer to a question is. For example Tom wants to hang out you don’t really like Tom but you feel bad and even tho you don’t want to you say yes, to make him feel good.

so you didn’t want to and you knew it, but your mind told you it was the right thing to do although you know it wasn’t the right thing for you.

so you go and you have a terrible time and Tom gets upset with you because you’re acting weird and he tells you to leave, which hurts your feelings because you didn’t even to come you only did it for him so now you have resentment too.

This is why you are told to stay out of your head. Except now you know fully what it means what it feels like and looks like and how to do it.

Q. What do I do I want my married ex back, I love her help!

A. Let me put this mildly that isn’t love…. If you love her then leave her alone she made her choices and created her life. Love as it was intended doesn’t cause intentional pain so leave it alone. Now love as you were taught which is toxic based in fear, pain, manipulation and control is what you’re feeling.. That feeling of being madly in love & wondering if it’s the best you will ever have is fear/regret & more. If you were madly in love and the love was true you would still be together, the reality is the person you knew and are holding unto no longer really exists. As time has passed she has grown and healed she has evolved, again leave her alone. There is nothing that will fill the void you want so desperately to be gone then that of self love and self discovery figure out why you are who you are, why you think, feel, behave, act and live as you have and as you do. Begin to take accountability and heal and then perhaps you will get a taste of what true love as it was intended is.

Q: Can you have an affair and love your spouse?

A: If you love her you will be honest with her before you do anything. While I fully support and respect each persons own path and free will there is a right way and a wrong way to go through life. Give her the respect & honesty she deserves and don’t treat her like she is a fool. Karma is very real and all that you do will be repaid by you in many many unseen and unforeseen ways. Be wise you reap what you sow. If it was love it wouldn’t be a question. This is not love as it was intended this is love as we were taught. This is selfishness, inconsideration, toxic love and lack of communication which we now call the modern day marriage.

While I fully support and respect each persons own path and free will there is a right way and a wrong way to go through life. Give the respect & honesty that Is deserved and don’t treat anyone like they’re a fool. Karma is very real and all that you do will be repaid by you in many many unseen and unforeseen ways. Be wise you reap what you sow. If it was love it wouldn’t be a question. This is not love as it was intended this is love as we were taught. This is selfishness, inconsideration, toxic love and lack of communication which we now call the modern day marriage.

Q: why do marriages and relationships fail?

A: We have been governed and taught to use people and love items as a result we have become selfish and beyond inconsiderate. We began Demanding and assuming instead of understanding and asking for clarity. Honesty and integrity took a backseat and as a result we have lost our ability to effectively communicate. Therefore not many true relationships exist that are started in love as it was intended. Now they begin in lies and deceit and wonder why they find themselves in marriages based in pain that they called love.

True twin flame union is yes a love like you have never experienced and always have know you were missing. It is a healing love and truly nurturing beautiful experience and nothing at all like the love you were taught which in my opinion is more like pain disguised and called love.

Only when you’re not speaking of a true twin flame relationship or karmic toxic partners or soulmates that are extremely unhealed and unbalanced, because when they come into a relationship and they have not focused on healing from the last relationships independently. Also I know it’s a wildly used term but understand it is a rare occurrence most people want to fit in and I understand why but it doesn’t change the fact it isn’t common. Instead it gave an excuse to an extremely large portion of those actually stuck with a narcissistic karmic and trying to justify it by blaming it on the twin flame journey. Now when authentic true real and healed again absolutely rare, it is absolutely a fairytale love with a happy ending.

Be honest from the very beginning, don’t hide any part of yourself especially the parts you dislike. Be honest about your desires, needs and expectations, and be realistic when you listen to her’s are you able to be what she is asking? Start trying to understand how you accept love.. ( what makes you feel and know you are loved), how you accept apologies (people can say sorry but what shows you they are sorry). Be patient with each other and teach each other in love not ridicule. Speak when you first get bothered because to ignore things and not speak only cause them to become bottled up and you will eventually erupt in emotions. Make sure to appreciate each other, never take a moment for granted. Life is short appreciate every moment and set boundaries and respect them.

We have been governed and taught to use people and love items as a result we have become selfish and beyond inconsiderate. We began Demanding and assuming instead of understanding and asking for clarity. Honesty and integrity took a backseat and as a result we have lost our ability to effectively communicate. Therefore not many true relationships exist that are started in love as it was intended. Now they begin in lies and deceit and wonder why they find themselves in marriages based in pain that they called love.

I know you feel it and it continues to grow and gain momentum more and more every with single breath that’s taken.

No longer can we ignore what was hidden when it is so clearly being waved in our faces.

Understand every heartbreak, every tear, every single painful experience you have ever endured was for you. It was never happening to you. This was your path it had to be exactly as it was or you wouldn’t have had a fighting chance to be able to break free from the matrix of lies.

Yes you read that correctly we live in a web of lies, where we are simply nothing more than a source of revenue for those in control. We are their living breathing ATM machines…we are glorified cash cows.

We are led to believe that if we fall in line and do as we are told, led to believe that if we follow these false virtues and submit to a false god we will have a chance to enter heaven… as we begin to realize the name we were trained to call out to is not the Christ Consciousness we know in our true heart and soul, we’ve always known those who were awakened something about it never say quite right. In reality we were absolutely right and the truth is spilling out everywhere.

The fact remains we’ve only ever known hell. No not the fiery inferno but our own personal hells that we create. How did we create hell on earth.. we didn’t it was here what we created was our own story as to how our own personal hell would be… it was all set up for us to be able to have a chance to break out and find redemption. The road would only appear and continue to lead us as we healed, ended toxic cycles, found a deeper understanding and applied the knowledge as we began to clear the past karma, freeing ourselves and those we entrapped through pain.

The truth as you will soon come to see is that the door to kingdom of heaven was always here on this realm and you had to consciously take the first step. I know the majority of information was held away from you but let’s be honest.. you were blessed with knowing, you were sent guides and healers along the way, you were sent signs and synchronizations…. you knew! We asked you to go in a clear the pain of the past, you were asked to break cycles and continue healing.

Yesterday we took note of progress on a deeper level and we watched are you showed your truth and we know your heart. While moved through your normal day decisions were made. Cycles repeated, wrongs made right and others not so much.. soon you will see the efforts of what you have personally done and what the world has collectively done. Any wrong and pain that was made right with pure intent or was accidental & circumstantial is cleared away. Trust this is the reaping of what you have sown, this harvest was absolutely earned!

You were given every opportunity to show that you were exactly who you lead people to believe, that you were authentic and here to uplift others as you gained clear clarity as you evolved into each new level. You were tested to see if you would help or keep a known advantage to yourself.. We then asked you to show your heart we just didn’t totally let you know. Many of you are moving in love so beautifully truly trying to live what you preach and yes we commend you!

Look back and realize that because of your heart, truth, dedication and work.. life has changed in beautiful ways, have no fear its only the beginning and it will get better… be patient, continue honoring and respecting life, love, boundaries and others! Give what you wish you had been given to those who have shown they are pure and heart and wait because this is nothing compared to the abundance of love support and blessings you’re about to receive.

Others not so much and they are feeling it too.. in other ways! They will be made to feel the repercussions of how they made others feel, how they intentionally tried to hold them back to further their own success, those who took continuously, purposefully trying to destroy the heart, name & character of those who are pure and divine, because they knew against them they wouldn’t succeed in the same circle.

Be ready things are going to get interesting dark times will come there is a reckoning for those who called it in through the darkness of their hearts, intentions and essence. Understand if you had it all, the advantages the finances.. and you willingly chose to hurt others instead of uplifting them. Life is going to change in some major ways.. the only way to prevent it from the total chaos that will come is to change the way you believe & live.

Now take this peace with you there is a high probability if you’re reading this you’re protected you will see it and yes it will not be pleasant to watch but it is necessary. Too many innocents have suffered.

Take a moment and review where you are is it everything it should be? If the answer is no and it should be no, keep doing the work! We need you! The call that came to pull back came because you have done all you can do for them they need to equally participate and fight for themselves. No one can save them but themselves.

Heal those you hurt that saw you as a Goddess or a God… understand Mother is the name of God on the lips and hearts of all children.

Soon you no longer be able to deny gifts within, these abilities you have thought about, felt, witnessed or believed to possess.. you’re not wrong and the right teachers are being called to remember and go inward new codes are going out when you find the true bridge it will be activated.

This isn’t a call to frighten that is not love this is a call to inform and allow you the final chance to save yourself. This is the end of days as we know it.

It a time to celebrate for those who are processing this channeled message with love have succeeded!

It’s not about being positive my love that is what will keep you stuck it’s about looking at the hard truths and figuring out when they began, healing them, clearing them, understanding them and reintegrating them.

Then applying what you learned in your new way of moving through life.

See that’s the problem this what you’re seeing everywhere is similarly as bad as the church because once you get to a certain level of healing you know that to continue preaching love positivity and light without telling people the rest will keep them stuck, many are still living in the old ideals and patriarchy themselves and stand firm in the old ways of thinking if you don’t know I have an advantage.

Coincidentally that is the very reason they won’t fully complete the awakening process and ascend. The new way the matriarchy the way of the divine mother provides a new world in the way of when we lift each other we all rise!

Time is up I am telling you because it’s very real
You need to push into hyper mode 2021 is reckoning. The veil of ignorance that once was able to be used as an excuse is no longer available, everyone was forced to realize their truth as to what needs to be done. It is up to them.

Unfortunately I know all to well this has been coming for years but you can’t force others they have to ask for help and in a society where so many have been hurt and used only a few are able to open to trust.

Don’t take my word on it but acknowledge what you feel to be so true you cannot deny it.

You can not save anyone until you save yourself. We each (all called you awaken) embodied the same possibility no one was told. It was always ever going to be one true twin flame couple once in full Union would push the transcendence of the messiah..

We weren’t told as it would have affected free will and the choices we made. So it played as it should. Everything in place now it’s a race against the clock to see how many will make it in attempt to save all at we need a certain number to step into their full divinity anything less will have to repeat.

The issue with that is this is the last lifetime that the earth will be this good, yes you heard me correctly as it is right now consider this good, now do with that what you will.

I’m aware that I sound like a broken record but I love you, so please if you trust any bit of my words and it feels true to you. I can’t stress enough to focus on breaking and healing the cycles in is your only way out!!!

No fear just the necessary information needed so that we all have a chance to grow and evolve.

On average mothers let society deem when they should stop breastfeeding instead of honoring their inner knowing. A baby and child are meant to drink the milk of the mother, they’re not baby cows yet we ostracize the mother for breastfeeding until 5 years old. As we celebrate the government and medical community telling us to give our children baby cow formula full of chemicals the human body wasn’t built to ingest, which causes unusual growth and that’s the mild side. Honor your knowing mommas and ignore this backwards society.

Cow’s milk is not designed for human consumption. … Cow’s milk contains on average about three times the amount of protein than human milk does, which creates metabolic disturbances in humans that have detrimental bone health consequences, according to a study published in the American Journal of Epidemiology.Jan 30, 2014

FTO found in cows milk are associated with increased body weight, adiposity and type 2 diabetes mellitus (T2DM).

Now that you know you, make an informed decision. So my advice only stop when you know without a doubt that it is the best choice for your child and you are at peace with the choice. No one else’s opinion matters over your knowing for your child.

How to handle your child when they are struggling with over flowing emotions/tantrums/ meltdowns.

Stop, pause!
Breathe!
Speak calmly.
Ask what they feel like.
Ask if they would like to talk about how they feel.
Ask if there is anything you can do for them.

Now listen to their responses and really hear what they are trying to say to you that they don’t know how.

Children when angry may say hurtful things, try not to take offense. There are crazy times and it is very hard for the littles to understand and make sense properly of what is happening around them.

Things that are said in the moment like I’m
Mad at you or I hate you, typically speak to I’m hurt and you did it.

If this is the case ask them why are you hurt, how did I hurt you and allow them to speak without fear of judgement or retaliation.

Regardless of the answer they give you make sure to honor their emotions, understand they aren’t adults.
Realize as adults we have a hard enough time processing emotions and effectively communicating them… we have had how many years compared to their 0-18 to get comfortable with it?

If they say they don’t know what’s wrong-
Reassure them that it is absolutely okay not to know what’s wrong and ask if they can tell you what it feels like.. listen closely to what they’re truly telling you and if they are at an appropriate age feel free to ask for clarity so you don’t assume, it will only make the disconnection worse.

Stop think back to when you were that age now be honest ask yourself what you would have needed and then realize it’s probably very different that what you received.
Now respond in the way you wish you had received.

Now that you have effectively handled an outburst in a healthy way. When it comes up again continue to react in the same ways you will notice a difference. Be patient spiritual children are highly perceptive and they will be looking to see if they can trust this change or if it is only temporary. 

Congratulations you have taken the first step in parenting a gifted child in a way that protects their truth and fosters healing and creativity