Author: divinetemptations1111

This can’t be real

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I listened to the words pour from your lips as you made me believe them as truth. I told you of all my fears and showed you my scars you said there was nothing anyone could do to take you away from me.

I’m here you’re gone and I’m struggling with it. When we were a couple together it was pure magic and then I got sick and you got scared and walked away from me. I couldn’t follow I was stuck in the hospital I was broken and hollow.

You refused to return my calls on most days and you told me you would come back to see me and ignored me completely. I waited for you as you used my car to hangout with your new friends, you walked away from us and left me behind you had my car and wouldn’t even try to care you left me behind without a care.

When I got out you came to give me back my stuff and my car you couldn’t even make eye contact I no longer knew who you are. Again you made promises that we would always be friends you said later that week you would be back again, you never came.

My heart is broken because my love for you is true how is it so easy to hurt me in the ways you promised you would never do. I tried to talk to you to understand what was happening, it just pissed you off so you went for verbal attacking and then blocked me.

Did I even know you or was it a facade I don’t know anymore. Falling for you was easy I didn’t have to try hard and I believed you and I believed in us now I’m here standing in the pile of dust the wreckage of all we used to be I love you still even though you’re out there living your best life without me.

For me time had stopped I couldn’t leave and for you time went on you had no problem when you wanted to up and leave. I just don’t understand what happened to our love I’m sorry I had a breakdown I didn’t mean to fuck up.

I hope your happy. I hope you miss me like I miss you. I can’t stand to think of a world where our love wasn’t real and true, yet with the way you now treat me it’s hard to believe it was ever real.

What if…

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How would it be if I saw you on the street? I know for me I would smile and be excited inside, for you would you walk away pretending and hide?

It’s been a while now and I can’t lie I still think of you and it’s hard to hide. We took vows and I meant them forever, I didn’t think the bond you would sever.

I still love you although you’ve removed me from your life I wonder is it peaceful for you when you sleep at night?

I still miss you and hope one day you will be back I know you said hateful things as you left when you jumped off track.

Don’t get me wrong my life isn’t bad it’s only that I know you were the best I ever had. I’m missing my best friend the one who loved me so much we would cry in gratitude and now your someone I don’t even know like what’s the reason for the attitude?

Love sucks I don’t trust it anymore ever since you left and closed the door. We could have gotten over anything together side by side but you left me in the dust when you decided I wasn’t worth your time.

I’m not the person I once was it’s hard for me to connect to anything from above it was all a lie because if it was true I’d be in your arms now instead of just wishing I could see you.

How is this all supposed to feel…

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Loss is sometimes inevitable yet what happens when you feel like you’ve lost yourself?

By far 2023 has started off horribly for me one lesson after the next and with each came a loss that my heart hasn’t recovered from.

Mental illness is no joke and everyday I struggle against myself trying to reclaim all I was yet never really finding my way. I lie to myself as I wait, I say things like tomorrow I will come back to myself.

The truth is I don’t even know how so the jokes on me. I struggle I do what is asked nothing more nothing less. How do I free myself from this funk I’m drowning in?

Almost everyone and everything I’ve ever cared about is gone.

I have always been in love with you

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I pray you read these words and take them to heart. I loved you from day one the last thing I want is to be apart.

I was stupid naive and didn’t realize what my words would do. I’ve grown up it’s something we all have to do. I mean what I say and I say what I mean and the truth is I am lost without you my queen.

I miss you more than words can describe I wish you would come be by my side instead your trapped in your mind doubting all I say and I cannot do a thing until you allow me to.

I would trade it all to have you again you were my guy my lover my confidant my fiancé and best friend.

I know I hurt you and scared you when I had my breakdowns mental health is a disease I wasn’t playing around now I know better and on my meds I stay, my wish is you will come back to me one day.

You got mad when I wrote about the one that got away not stopping to understand it is you I hope will forever stay. I’m not done writing our story that will happen only on my dying day.

Tiffany I love you with all that I am. I am beyond sorry for what I said and did when I was unwell, when you left me I walked straight into hell and heartbreak every memory is of us what I wouldn’t give for your love.

I can’t force you to see me or believe me but it is true there isn’t a thing I wouldn’t do to be with you.

When you came into my life I had been abused and so confused I didn’t understand what love could be until you. I made mistakes and so did you one thing I know our love was true and so different than anything I knew.

I don’t care if it makes me seem weak I rather speak my truth and wear my heart on my sleeve. Neither of us deserved how it ended you’re my best friend can you find it in your heart to forgive me and to try to talk and see if it helps.

I want you I don’t want anybody else it’s always been you my guy.

December came and took you away

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I stayed behind and I started to pray. I wished it wasn’t true you were gone and there was nothing I could do.

Where once their was love you have so much hate I stayed behind all I could do was wait.

I prayed that you would come back and understand that I didn’t mean it I have a disease it’s called mental illness.

Instead you stayed in pain and anger which turned into hate and when I was finally home it was all to late.

You moved on perhaps you couldn’t see I was left behind remembering how it used to be, you no longer saw me as I am. You told yourself another story and left me where I stand.

You tell me you don’t like me and that your family and friends hate me I never in a million years thought you would berate me.

I love you still yet it doesn’t matter to you, now you see bad when you think of me and there’s nothing I can do. You get mad when I write to heal myself believe it or not I don’t want anyone else.

You moved on you tell me you’re living your best life I’m sorry I got sick and you felt you had to leave I thought I was your wife. You were mine I never would have left you alone and now you’re gone I no longer have my home.

I am picking up the pieces not that you care I’m catching up from where I was left I don’t know what love is anymore I failed that test.

I wanted to make you happy and spend eternity by your side you forgot grace and have no problem with making me cry I guess I’m better of without you because the person you are now is definitely not my guy.

How am I supposed to forget you

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Every memory I have in the last 4 years are all beautiful and include you…

I can’t force my heart to forget that life was better with you and you’re forcing me to move on without you. Love was meant to be everlasting now these days are flying by no calls or texts from you my guy.

How was it so easy for you to walk away from me and all we had you did it with ease after telling me I was the best you ever had.

Did what we have mean anything at all because I’m still here hurting and you never call. How did it all get so bad so fast that you walked away leaving us in the past.

I miss you I wish I didn’t but when life was with you it was something so different and I saw our future and all we could be, yet you walked away and now you’re free.

I traded it all just to be with you and you traded me away there wasn’t shit I could do. February 21 2023 was the last time I saw you and now you’re happy and free. I can’t lie to myself or pretend I don’t care I truly believed in my heart you would always be there.

What could I have done better I try to understand how you went from my everything and now you’re not even a fan.

I don’t think of you every single day

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Yet I miss you in every single way. I wonder what we could have been if you would have continued to fight for us by my side.

I won’t say nasty things or pretend that I don’t love you that’s pointless to me. I am honest with my heart and it still breaks as it beats.

You’re gone it’s something I’m getting used to although I wish it wasn’t so, I wish I could make you feel all the love I have for you so you would feel it as you go on your journey.

I thought it would be us every step of the way now it’s me getting over you slowly day by day, I don’t want to yet you gave me no options in my own life as you chose to walk away.

I still miss you, I pray that you’re well. I no longer cry over you and life no longer feels like hell.

One day

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One day you will remember the love I gave you as it really was

You will think of me again

You will tell the next one how I was crazy and that you had enough

You will remember how I cared for you and put you above myself

You will reach out to call me and forget yourself

Time won’t return to give us back what you took from us

Like a thief in the night you left and took all my love no fight no warning you just up and left saying that you had to find yourself.

I still don’t know what happened communicating is your strong point

You said you loved me more then you loved yourself and enough was enough

One day you will miss me.

You learned to live without me that’s something I’m still learning to do

I’m heartbroken for sure and wished it didn’t end not only did I lose my fiancé I lost my best friend.

Footsteps

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Please don’t follow in my footsteps

The path is too hard you’ll find

The struggle isn’t worth it

There is a better way by far

I didn’t head the warnings

I believed I knew it all

Please don’t follow in my footsteps

I always trip and fall

Everyday is a struggle

Worry clouds my mind

Walking my path means no security

Always a dollar short and a day behind

Don’t ever be like me please I beg

It’s clear to see I am not okay

Please don’t follow in my footsteps

Please go get a real degree

Everything I’ve ever had is always taken from me

Feelings of nothingness and disappointment are always here

It’s hard to live this life the path is never clear

I taken so many wrong turns now I don’t know what to do

So please listen to my words they’re all truth

Friends and lovers are all good and great until enough is enough then they leave it’s hard to accept yet it’s reality for me.

I feel like a failure everyday please don’t follow in my footsteps there is a better way.