Because I was your daughter.. it caused her pain to look at me.

Because she was hurt, she didn’t know how to love me and a part of her couldn’t understand why she hated me.

Because I was your daughter I desperately called out to you.. that only fueled her anger and rage.

Because you were my dad, I asked about you all the time.

Because you were my dad, I wasn’t allowed to know your name until I was 18.

Because you were his son, abandonment came easy to you.

Because you survived the demons of your father , you figured I would survive your demons too.

Because I was their kid, I had so much hate and anger.

Childhood is supposed to be nurturing and loving but because I was their kid I didn’t get to experience that side of life.

Because I was the kid they wish they had aborted, I spent far to many days scared and beaten…

Because I was nobody’s kid, I was everyone’s sex toy and punching bag…

Then I stepped out of your shadow.

I grew up and I became their mom…

Because I was their mom and I was young confused and hurt, it didn’t work out with their dad, I loved them every day.

Because I was their mom and their dad abandoned them, I learned from your mistakes.

They were shown unconditional love, I told them stories of their dad and tried to keep contact…I showed them pictures so they would know they were born out of love.

Because I was your kid I was still angry, hurt and broken, but because I was their mom I was determined to heal & they wouldn’t let me fail.

Because I was their mom I took a deep look in and learned to heal myself for them and more importantly me.

Because they are my kids I broke the cycle.

Because they are my kids and I am their mom I found my strength was always a deep love for myself.

Finally because I was their mom and they were my kids I learned what love truly means.

Because I healed as I grew older I learned to forgive you for the things you did, while you weren’t being my father. I learned and understood you were hurt & broken too.

Because I am a mom who was a broken child, now with children. I took another look at my mom and I forgave and understood my mom loved me and did what you could and at least she stayed and tried although she was hurt and broken too.

Because they are my kids, they will succeed and do far better then I did.

Because they are my kids, when and if they have kids they will start a new cycle. One where childhoods are filled with nurturing and love, they will grow up and old with love and healing.

This is the way of the new world.

Right now I still see people bitching about customer service reps at stores and restaurants I ask you to please realize most of these people work for minimum wage or below.. they are usually broke, scared and stressed over whats going on.

If you take the time to be extra kind and to talk to them you will realize that while they watch everyone else stock up on the essentials.

They get no special treatment so they see all the supplies flying off the shelf and they have to wait until payday to buy knowing it’s running out, they worry about their children, families and friends.

They are younger or have stressful lives before the virus where financial ends have never met.

So now they are really going through it instead of complaining about how they messed up and how they were short with you, try doing something nice or even just being kind…

Kindness and love go further then hate in any scenario.

Choose not to be an asshole right now.. literally everyone is feeling this!

And for all the light workers wishing the virus on people who don’t read it the way you do… I have no words but thank you for showing us who you truly are.

Everyone else breath I know this can be terrifying but many of us instinctively know how to survive through this and worse because of the abuse and pain we have endured growing up..

It isn’t the first time we have gone without, it isn’t the first time we have been scared. Remember everything you have survived we are warriors and we will get through this too.

Reach out help where you can, pull money out of the bank now to keep at home.

Take this time to be mindful and appreciate the beautiful little moments your given.

I love you all keep your hearts pure!

Wash your hands

Love Tami Irizarry

Do not sit in worry

We have been through this before

Gather up your children

Lock tight all the doors

The world will show its truth

More evil then believed

It is time to set the scales

Balance is what will be

This warning comes loud

There are things we can no longer allow

You took it from the children

Judgement is here now

Those who remained pure of heart

This is for you it’s your new start

For those with darkness in your heart

It is time that we part

Those who have the chance to be saved

With your heart be wise it is the only way

Soon money and status will be gone

The ways of the old will live on

The hawk that soars above your head

Live from your heart

Move out of your head

The patriarch is dying

Notice the mothers aren’t crying

The control you had is taken back

Our truth we reclaim we are free at last

In the days yet to come

Tune into your soul

Follow the wise one

For money nor name

Will you reclaim

As your soul is stained

You lived this life as a game

Hoarding and stealing

What was never yours to claim

Violent and cruel no worries or care

This is the lesson you must bare.

None can save you tho seek help you will

Pray for the ones who see good in you still

Although you abandoned them without regard

This is your only chance to be redeemed

In front of God.

1492 Columbus got lost in the ocean blue.

Stealing raping killing was all he could do. 2020 here we are it took us a while but we have come far.

Decoding the program, setting ourselves free.

Speaking to the truths they didn’t want us to see.

Now the time is here, we called back your our power.

No longer do we stand in fear!

We are changing this world hand in hand with the Divine!

Those that held the power know it’s only a matter of time.

I was 6..

I remember coming to east meadow from queens village.. stepping out of the car and walking on the grass towards your house. You were smiling laughing and you wore the house dress it was blue…

I remember you jolly and stern a realist with a heart of gold who held so much wisdom. I remember your stories which not until decades later did I realize were a pathway to living an easier life.

When you’re 8 and your gram Mary tells you that you get a lot more bees with honey then you do with vinegar, I used to think that well I don’t like honey but I like dipping my fries in vinegar. Much later in life did I understand the message and value of your words.

I remember changing schools and hating life and you being there to help me. I remember being so scared and sleeping in your bed. I remember summer nights and fireflies, swimming in the back yard with grandpa John and you in the lawn chair.

I remember Otto the ghost and going out to the stores, I remember canned ham on the holidays and you sitting at the sink preparing dinners and lunches as we talked you would eat the hotdogs cold and at times a little raw hamburger and you would talk about the Great Depression, I remember you making me and Danielle matching dresses. Most of all I remember you.

I remember Christmas’s and birthdays as I grew up and had my own children.. you would sent money and then find out I was spending it on taking care of my kids.. you called and you were frustrated, I will never forget your words. I sent the gift for you so that you could have something nice not for you to spend it anything else.. God I love you.

Again it wasn’t until much later that I truly began to learn self love.. this message sits in my heart always. I remember Easter and you making the bread. The pastel dyed eggs waiting to be put in. I remember huge chocolate bunnies and Gram Mary cooking in the kitchens.

I remember going through the hardest parts of life and I remember pulling away from everyone because I didn’t know another way. I most importantly remember our last conversation on FaceTime and telling you I love you and miss you.

With out you being a gram to me I wouldn’t have had any of these memories. You were the only gram I had. You were my gram when you didn’t have to be, I was six when mom and dad met.

Thank you for loving me when you didn’t have to..

For me it’s about honoring who I am.

Honoring who came before me.

Honoring those who walk with me.

Honoring those who will come after me.

It is about remembering the truth over the lies that are preached to us.

It’s about honoring the one true God which is Love and is what I am.

It is about speaking my truth and saying the hard things that guide others into at times uncomfortable journeys of self discovery.

It is about learning to love all that comes with this journey.

The good the bad the heartbreaking and hard.

It is about seeing beauty in it all and transforming it into love.

If you ask me what it’s all about.. I will smile and say it’s the way back to the truth, to God, to love.

Her hands weathered..

She thinks she is getting old..

What she doesn’t realize is that she is pure gold..

Her pain pours out as she sings those songs..

Her laughter infectious, from her heart she spreads love..

Her passion so forceful it penetrates you with ease..

Every time she thinks she’s losing, she heals the disease..

Her doubt opens the gateways that holds the parts of her that she wishes to hide away…

Why can’t she see those are the most beautiful parts, they illuminate her way…

Her fear projects her deepest healing abilities…

As she heals others from what she had to live through and now can see….

Always in a belief that she is on the edge she doesn’t realize that she is the glory..

Her loneliness has called the destructive love in…

Her solace is now found in only those she will choose..

No more is she a victim her strength is alive, she has taken it back all of her power through space and time now she succeeds at all she was put here to do….

Now she doesn’t need anything else to bring her to life..

she now knows she has all the power she needs inside!

Love is what we called it but in pain is how we grew it..

The time we spent it wasn’t heaven sent it was my descent..

into the darkness and truth.

No longer could I hide away from the pieces of me I didn’t want to see..

everywhere I turned there was no exit to free…

I had to go within to take a deeper look at all the pieces that made me.. me.

Going deep within was the only way to be free.

This year has truly been a beautiful blessing. Yes I struggle, no I don’t have everything but what I do have I am blessed with. I have a home filled with laughter and peace 99.8% of the time and when it gets hard it’s still peaceful and safe. This year has cleared away what isn’t meant for me, it has forced me to see the truth and to stop settling for less than I deserve to make others comfortable while I stuff down pain to keep the peace I didn’t disturbed. It taught me the absolute importance of honoring myself and speaking my truth. I showed me caring and patience and unlikely hero’s who stepped out of their own pain to show me there is always hope. I have made new friends and soul ties and rekindled relationships from a place of healing while maintaining my integrity and truth. I am so absolutely blessed to have had this year. It has shown me that love doesn’t hurt. It taught me that no matter how much I stress something it will absolutely in no way change the outcome but it will always take my peace. This year has above all taught me that having trust and faith in god and the universe always means success even If it means not getting what you thought you wanted. I love you all and I hope you can look back on this year and see it through eyes of love, while you truly realize how far you have come! I love you all and am so proud of all that have crossed my path. Even if we don’t talk and you know longer have access to me I am still cheering for you! ❤️💯❤️

My life isn’t perfect.

I have bills and I have stress.

One thing I am certain of….

Is my life is truly blessed.

I have a love that is good with me.

Yes with me as a whole.

Together we are redefining love as we’ve known..

I never realized how simple life could truly be..

Until I focused on the healing that I didn’t want to need ..

Falling in love with myself and focusing on me!

Learning to love yourself is trying at the least….

When you believed your entire life what others said you were or weren’t meant to be….

Going inward and being present now…

Gave me the strength to allow my power to show..

This is my life, I write my story as I go!

When you are the author of your book of life…

You take back the power.

No one gets to tell you what’s wrong or right.

It is your life do with it as you please…

The code is truly simple.

Strive to be the person you dream to be!

Walk in light..

Speak your truth..

Lead in love..

Help others whenever you can..

Do what is best for you!

Like it has been said so many times before …..

To thine own self be true!