Love is unconditional acceptance of bad behavior is not. Don’t try me you better save that shit for someone else.
You may be the problem if you’r ridiculous whining and carrying on, crying, shouting and throwing a fit when you’re asked to do what’s right, or don’t get your way. Honestly it’s embarrassing and disgusting at your age, you’re not a child.
Your parents, friends, lovers and family allow your shitty behaviors simply because they don’t want to hear your mouth, your behaviors are toxic.
They give you what you want to shut you up and we’re all fully aware. They also do it out of guilt, there’s a good chance they didn’t do a good job as parents and you probably remind them of themselves.
That’s wonderful if they are good people!! Now if they’re are not good people and they have no issue because you’re like them take a look at your life and ask some questions.
You may be the problem.
The thing is you don’t have to choose to be a shitty person, it’s a choice you literally have to go out of your way to be an asshole so understand we’re fully aware of who you are and what you do.
People like this are fully aware of it and will openly admit that they’re assholes and shit starters because they think it’s funny.
The truth is they’re a cancer in this society and everything wrong with this world.
So I will gladly keep my title of black sheep and problem child. I will wear that badge with pride as I realize I’m nothing like you. I speak truth in order to bring change, I don’t talk shit to cause pain.
We are not the same if you play sick mind games.
Silence is killing our children and all that’s good to you while you keep doing what you want to.
Love wins as we call out all the bullshit, lies, manipulation and games.
This is our world and we’re done with willful ignorance, intentional pain and abuse. It’s time for you to learn, this world has turned into a new way of life. Learn the rules or be left behind it’s no longer your way at all cost.
This life is all of ours and it’s time for the divine love to rise as we take back what belongs to us all. Love Liberty and Justice for all not just some.
I think it would be easier to endure this life if I turned mine off.
How can one be expected to continue to care in a world that is cold?
When you continue to approach all with total love and zero expectations and they continue to go out of their way to cause pain.
This is their sick game, they feel inferior so they intend to spread pain it makes them feel powerful this is how we end these ways.
The self proclaimed assholes of society whose only purpose is to cause chaos for chaos’s sake you have been identified as the issue.
There’s a difference between those who speak truth and hold others accountable, we do it to end the toxicity and finally bring change.
We are labeled as assholes or trouble wrongfully, what we are is tired of the bullshit, the mind games and manipulation.
We’re tired of watching you get away with all of your shitty ways while we are given the blame and pain.
So this is the only warning we are now calling out your games.
This is the way we bring humanity back, we have to care enough about one another to no longer allow bad behaviors to continue.
Silence is deadly.
How can we continue to not only love you, yet care about you when you continually show us you do not value us?
If you valued those in your life, you wouldn’t intentionally cause them pain. You would show them that you care for and about them.
You would be available when they need you as you want them available for you when you need them.
However this society has become so one sided.
We live in an extremely selfish time, where it is come up at any cost no matter the destruction that’s left behind.
Most want what they want and don’t ever care to think of how that affects anyone else.
They do as they please and take all they can but who is there when you need a helping hand?
Love shouldn’t be a one way street we should care for each other equally of course there are times when we cannot be what others need us to be and that is always okay.
It’s wise to treat others with the same care you want in return, please understand that undervaluing someone you care for will come with some understanding yet understanding only extends so far when we’re being affected by your bad habits.
You may come to find that when you need us we have walked away not because we don’t love you but in your pain we couldn’t stay.
Now this isn’t saying allow yourself to be used this is simply saying don’t abuse what you don’t want to lose.
Realize that while things sometimes won’t fully match the ones you took for granted it’s because you assumed we would always have your back, we would have until we found it was human decency and truth you lack.
Could if I would be any other way, STOP! That isn’t true. Why are these the words I choose to say?
I think it’s because of societal standards and beliefs, they break us down those who don’t fit in and at times it can make me wish I didn’t exist.
Yet I know better. What they say, feel or think about me or you should make no difference.
Most people are unhappy and too busy lying to themselves,the only way they feel better about their lives is to make others feel like less.
Yet it still causes pain, the beliefs and thoughts that most hold so dear. Money is king, get to the top at all cost. No matter who is trampled on, no matter what the loss.
There must be a better way. New generations no longer have to learn through pain.
We can stop saying and doing things that we know intentionally cause harm. Willful ignorance isn’t an excuse we’re accepting anymore. Take no shit but cause no harm.
I killed a part of myself today yet not in a usual way, no one took notice I’m sad to say.
I can’t blame them the part of me that died today no one else knew existed it was the part of me that came alive when I was with you. You didn’t know it happened and you will never mourn because you walked away from me after telling me you loved me and you would always be there.
I had already learned that your actions and your words rarely ring true. It was the same pattern that had been shown to me so many times before not only by you, truthfully by everyone who had ever walked through a door and into my life.
I had to wonder if it was me and took a good look at my time here.
I realized i was damaged by the traumas of the past.
I loved to much and I cared to deeply, love was always looking to protect the ones who wished to destroy and deceive me.
Love to me isn’t a game like many who chose to play it believe it be.
Love is a bond built on truth and vulnerability how can I trust me with you when you don’t even know what love is supposed to do?
How can I simply be me when you get threatened by what that means for you? We are not the same you’re here to play games and I seek truth and clarity I don’t give a damn what this world thinks of me.
This isn’t a popularity contest to me it’s about living my truth authentically.
Big money fast cars and some bling on your arm doesn’t mean shit when you have all that chaos on your mind and in your heart.
The path to redemption begins in your soul, it brings you back to the past to understand how you became the person you are.
A deep truth and personal accountability is needed if you are to get past this part.
The past is hard and no one wants to admit it but we have all fucked up it’s time to go back to the beginning. Once we understand how it came to be we can begin the undoing of the trauma and set ourselves free.
What I’ve watched you go through, the heart break and suffering in silence, you’ve fought your way through it all!
You searched for a better way and kept your heart pure. You made your focus on true love and what is right for all. You kept unconditional love, understanding and concern in your heart and lived it at all times.
You never judged another you simply tried to understand the differences and respected everyone equally and their ways, understanding your way isn’t the only way and that is just fine.
I know you’re scared and tired. I know you feel like this pain will never end, I know in your heart and soul you can’t accept that to be the truth.
I’m so proud of you because it wasn’t for nothing and dreams do come true.
The pain is coming to an end it’s the Dawn of Anew way forward together!
New days are here. Those with pure hearts please lift your heads once and for all.
You’re divinely protected in the heart of infinite love.
There are specific days in my life that stay with me always. They are the days I look on and wish I had known then what I now know. These days are the days I trusted in others to tell me what made sense and I was striving to do better, be better and give my children a better chance at a bright future. This day in particular became the pinnacle of my destruction.
Kristy I thought was different everyone liked her, she was fun and outgoing. Kristy seemed responsible she had a good job, her family was in her life and she was pursuing me. I had just left an abusive relationship with a control freak who was a manipulative cheater and an emotional abuser so Kristy stepped in like a breath of fresh air.
I was so blinded.
I had friends or so I had thought, it turns out this would be a most valuable lesson. People don’t do what’s right they typically don’t care what’s right they do what is socially acceptable.
Allow me to explain. I was living a decent life abuse had been something I had always known. Even with my diagnosis’s I was fighting for my life, it was suddenly falling into place. I had just been awarded my social security disability and I had a nice rental home for me and the kids, I was surrounded by what I believed we’re friends and family that cared for us.
Yet no one, not one of the people who called my children their niece and nephew thought to warn me. Kristy was a convicted felon multiple times over and a active alcoholic and crack smoker/drug user. I was naive to say the very least and alcoholics were not new to me so I saw it as normal and she hid the drug use.
As the relationship progressed I ignored the red flags, my daughter hated her I thought it was preteen angst. I was selfish and wanted peace, happiness and stability for my children and myself. Kristy was right there promising the sun, moon and stars. Little did I know how she and her family would spend our entire relationship tearing us down, emotionally and mentally abusing us, while stealing everything I had and mentally destroying me.
The worst part is it was all avoidable, at any point anyone of my best friends who claimed to love us and who knew her and her family personally could have said Tami she isn’t good for you. Yet not one did and I understand oh it’s no ones place however innocent children were there so yes as humans it was absolutely the time and place to speak up.
Silence prevailed.
So when Kristy suggested we move into her parents home to save money to buy a house and start our lives, I felt it was an absolute blessing! It was perfect her parents had a 3 bedroom apartment in the basement of their home and we wouldn’t be charged rent. I gave up my rental and we moved. This is where I went wrong.
Once I left my freedom, giving up my independence and trusting the words she was saying. I was sitting on 15,000 cash from back pay with social security and I was on over 18 different medications for my mental health. I was doing the best I could to recover from my past and how it was supposed to be my time to finally give my kids the life they deserved. We moved into Kristys parents house.
Life went dark almost immediately and Kristy became a completely different person we took control of all of the money and food became scarce she was working all the time so I didn’t understand.
She was drinking more and more and becoming cruel and angry all of the time. She took control of my child support and social security and convinced me that we didn’t need my car because I drove hers and she had the work truck so I listened to her and sold my vehicle. She instantly took the money.
I was stuck and didn’t have the proper help to leave it was a bad situation to a bad situation, I had no safe place to run. Life was unhealthy for me. I’m writing this and it is hard but has to be written. Ladies and men please find the knowledge and wisdom within this.
Love doesn’t hurt. Love is never manipulating. Love is not controlling. When it is love it heals and helps. Love never destroys, love is not toxic. Any one who secludes you from family or friends seeks to control you by controlling who influences you. They wish to keep you only listening to them so that you stay ignorant to what they’re doing. please don’t let yourself become a victim.
Looking back now I see the pattern and all of us face it, one way or another the point is we no longer have to. If we can identify these behaviors we can prevent destruction. If we warn each other we can help to heal this world instead of watching idly by as good people become victims to the evil ways of narcissistic people.
Honestly it’s a tale as old as time and goes even deeper.
Emotionally and for our wellbeing we need others and that’s a simple fact, yet this world has told us it is weak and codependent to need others yet life alone cannot be sustained one would absolutely go insane without love and interaction look at castaway with Wilson.
Yes while we feel like we would be better alone we’re not wrong either not exactly anyway but nonetheless we’re still wrong we’re buying into the division they try to create it became every man out for themselves and that’s where destruction ruled over and won.
Now it’s high time we realize that we realize all that division did was cause heartbreak anger pain and regret it caused struggles and financial worries that didn’t need to be, children were placed in vulnerable and dangerous situations because the familial support was removed.
Now we struggle and destroy each other and all we really want to do is pull each other close and make it better together and put the pain of the past behind us finding a better way forward together.
If ego and pride could be set aside and people would feel comfortable being vulnerable and openly taking to one another without fear of judgement.
Then we can begin to listen to our hearts and find we’ve been waging wars against ourselves and we don’t have to anymore it’s time for a new way forward into our future together for all!
Love doesn’t hurt control does!
loy·al
adjective 1 giving or showing firm and constant support or allegiance to a person or institution.”loyal service” This is the problem there is no allegiance or loyalty to others we started idolizing material and Wealth we lost sight of what matters the most!
Loyalty to each other family and love,loyalty to the truth and loyalty to what is right is what is lacking in this country.
We made things more important than people.
Everyone set their sights on what they wanted materially and sacrificed those who care for them to get it.
Now everyone has to learn that this is where they have lacked in humanity and in love and what’s right. This is what I meant when I said keeping your heart pure, while yea I want more I’m not about to destroy a innocent someone to get it.
I’m grateful for what I have throughout the struggles and I know better days will come. I strive to help others who are suffering because I know the pain as well, I also know together we can change it for everyone.
A new way forward exists when you’re ready I’m here.
The point of this spiritual journey is to bring us back to whole.
During the hard times as we experience heartbreaking goodbyes and traumas resurface we are taught how to learn how to love and honor ourselves fully so we can awaken to our truth and full potential.
When we release fear in all aspects and step into our authentic being shedding the judgement of others. We release the beliefs put on us about who we were expected to be, finally being seen and appreciated for who we truly are.
It’s hard at times without a doubt but it is the most beautiful love you will ever experience once you begin living what you’re speaking. The work isn’t easy and yes there are times when you feel like you can’t take anymore.
Please keep going don’t give up, I promise all the pain wasn’t for nothing. Your truth will be revealed ignorance is dying as we educate others.
Don’t fear the unknown embrace the changes and live your life for you! You deserve a love that doesn’t hurt and that’s the end of the rainbow everything else suddenly falls into place!
I speak from absolute experience I have no reason to lie to you. ~Tami Irizarry Love doesn’t hurt. Toxicity does. Evolve.
I took this picture yesterday proof is all around if you choose to see! 🙌🏽🤍♾🕊🗣
As I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul will keep, if I shall die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.
If I shall wake another day I pray the Lord shows man the way, to clarity and understanding that right is only right, when it is right for all. Or it isn’t right for all.
Each interaction I lose more hope, the cruelty and lack of understanding, humanity is losing hope and I can’t take anymore pain. Why do I fight for change when it remains the same and I’m always the one to blame?
I do it because I deserved better than what happened to me, we all did and we can’t change the past. What we can do is change ourselves and stop it from happening in the future. We didn’t realize the damage that was happening in time and our children had to endure the pain as well.
Our grandchildren deserve better and change comes when we start openly honestly communicating with each other and holding the appropriate people responsible and accountable for their actions.
We can stop blaming the victims and stop protecting the villains as we claim ignorance, it continues to happen because many play deaf dumb or blind.
They Can’t comprehend how someone can lose it all, they’ve never had to struggle, they’ve never had to truly fall. For them I’m glad they had the right support in life. Some of us aren’t so fortunate after all.
Instead of trying to understand, or even wonder how it would feel if it were them. They make hate filled judgments and laugh at the pain.
If this is what it’s all for please don’t wake me anymore, I’m tired. I want to rest now.
Now if you want to open hearts and restore faith please send me forth for all days!
I’m sick to my stomach, stress and anxiety are absolutely heightened my PTSD is triggered and I’m again finding that all of this was caused by the immature and wrong actions of another.
Yet here I am left dealing with the consequences of those inactions or actions, depending on how you want to look at it. Now what I want to know is when does it stop?
When do we begin holding adults accountable for their narcissistic temper tantrums? When do we say enough is enough to toxicity and take a stand against it once and for all?
I know I’m standing up to answer the call, not just because it affects me alone, but when you think of it this blatant disregard for humanity affects us all.
Let’s take it back to my landlord let’s call him Mr. My father is a real estate attorney, aka Mr. Privilege. I rent an illegal home attached to air bnb, the part about it being illegal was unknown to me. Until today when I was forced to look up building codes, that’s another story for another day.
Right here right now I’ve got too much to say, I can’t stop now or I’ll let this train get away. So back to where I am currently. I pay $1595 to live where I do, it’s absolutely beautiful and exactly what I needed at the perfect time too.
What I also didn’t know is that my landlord Mr.Privilege wasn’t as nice of a guy as I thought. Again my desire to see the good in others still has the ability to blind me against the reality of who they are proving to be. Note taken!! So when the latest air bnb’s guest brought their dogs, I was absolutely startled they arrived after we were in bed and the dogs were going nuts.
I didn’t blame them it’s a scary to be in a new place, I know it can be rough. So in the morning when the owners left I wasn’t really shocked that the dogs were barking non stop. After two and a half hours of non stop barking, I was really getting concerned and my nerves were beginning to wear thin. I messaged my landlord and here is where this drama begins.
The first text and his response was absolutely fine!he even apologized, the air bnb people came back and took care of the dogs all was fine. My landlord even checked to make sure the dogs had calmed down, what a great guy!
Crisis adverted but would I be so lucky the next time they went out again? The answer was no and for $1595 a month I didn’t sign up to feel as if I was living in a kennel, it didn’t seem fair but I shrugged my shoulder and went on without a care.
I went out and enjoyed my day, went into nature and spent time with a friend. Came back to my house to make dinner and it started again. The dogs wouldn’t stop barking with every sound I would make once their parents left them they must have been scared in a new place. I reached out again for help after another 2 & 1/2 hours.
This time I wasn’t met with kindness, instead I was treated as an inconvenience bullied slandered attacked threatened and now I’m being evicted. I wish there was some amazing tale to tell you but in all honesty that’s the long and short of it. This time at least I noticed and stood up for myself this time right away.
So this is what Mr. Privilege had to say.. I’m not doing this all summer with the air bnb guests you have 60 days to get out. You’re in violation of your lease. He also tried to throw some false accusations my way. The problem is this when you lie manipulate and bully someone it’s just not a good look.
Oh let me tell you about last Sunday, this one was really for the books! In my lease I have a back lot, it’s my parking and yard area I pay for it. So Mr. Privilege comes to assert toxic male dominance and brings a male counterpart each with a big truck to further intimidate me. He tells me to move my car, my personal vehicle from my parking area so he can park his trailer there right now or he is towing my car.
Literally no joke.
I have already at this point explained that I will be spoken to as an equal and to please keep it professional and business like, I’m not your friend, child, mother or wife. I am your tenant and we have a legally binding contract to be withheld on both sides. All I am asking for is basic human decency and consideration.
I know I am more then considerate when he asks me to throw away the air bnbs trash as recycling every week. As well as all the nights I can’t even sleep in my own home because of endless parties until after 2 am.
Guess what.. Nope I am not the one hosting them, but anywhere you sit in my home you wouldn’t know the difference. It’s so loud I think there’s something that helps with noise is it proper installation?
Regardless, here I am now and allow me to explain the layout of my house as I sat at home today, then we can get to why I’m truly feeling this way. We shall begin with a picture!
See those steps? That’s my front door, the cars aren’t mine they are from the air bnb.
So I have exactly one exit, you enter it’s my kitchen you go upstairs and I am above the air bnb. No escape, no back door, no front escape I’m literally surrounded. However this is the funny thing I wouldn’t have cared. It was their mother’s 80th birthday! I didn’t say a word.
So let’s rewind to 5:22 am this Sunday morning , I receive an email from Mr.Privilege about a review the previous air bnb rental made. I will enclose all info because I need your input guys. What would you do? If this were you and you lived here? I can’t afford to move and I’m stuck in between a rock and a hard place. Yet to me it seems clear.
Email from Mr.Privilege The air bnb review but look below there’s proof! Again that’s my front door no other entrance or exit point. However the air bnb renters are given a back yard with gazebo and ping pong table, grill etc and an entire front yard. This isn’t it this is a common driveway shared my multiple units there’s isn’t included they also have separate parking up front.
This was my reply to my landlord.
As per your request I am only to email you after you told me you were falsely evicting me in 60 days because you weren’t going to do this all summer with the air bnb guests. Then you persist to email me this telling me about complaints again completely unheard of and you’ve never before mentioned it. Now what you have done and I can’t comprehend how an adult business man can literally be fueled by emotion and not logic. Which was what I asked for when dealing with. Speak to me as an equal I am not your child.
Regardless I will address your message. That is not at what happened yet moving as per your response I am only to email you. The thing about opinions they are interesting, however they are not facts. I can absolutely provide proof of interactions and witnesses which were outside at the time.
I was outside smoking on my porch mid day I am absolutely well within my rights to be on my porch in my area on phone and ask some to quiet down, it’s one of the minimal spaces I have. It’s a drive way not yard. In the same aspect the same consideration is what I’ve been asking for yet you have a problem with me when I ask for it. However you have no issue accepting my rent. Please make it make sense.
Moving forward let’s readdress this false eviction based on lies on 2/19/2022 you stated We have 60 days were being evicted because I asked you for you help with the dogs at the air bnb the instant you lied and accused me you’re right the dynamic absolutely changed. How would you feel if someone slandered your good name with lies?
Now you come with this.
What?!???!??!??!?Crickets ever since 🦗 🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗
Yet I’m the one in tears all day with my stomach in knots. How is this right for anyone at all? What if it were you?
Thank you for reading it really does help to write it all out and put it into perspective for me. Maybe when things get hard try writing about it, you really do feel better since you’re not forced to silently hold it all in.
Let’s hope tomorrow is a better day!! Happy birthday to the 80 year old granny in the attached house many many more amazing years for you to come! What a beautiful gift to celebrate someone! I hope at that age I’m that blessed. A little understanding saves a lot of unneeded stress! 🤍🕊♾
Unpacking and healing the baggage of life.. let’s take a walk together as we find a better way. 