awareness

Hey God it’s me. Today is certainly a day, I’m sure so many of us feel the same.

/ divinetemptations1111 / Leave a comment

I’m sick to my stomach, stress and anxiety are absolutely heightened my PTSD is triggered and I’m again finding that all of this was caused by the immature and wrong actions of another.

Yet here I am left dealing with the consequences of those inactions or actions, depending on how you want to look at it. Now what I want to know is when does it stop?

When do we begin holding adults accountable for their narcissistic temper tantrums? When do we say enough is enough to toxicity and take a stand against it once and for all?

I know I’m standing up to answer the call, not just because it affects me alone, but when you think of it this blatant disregard for humanity affects us all.

Let’s take it back to my landlord let’s call him Mr. My father is a real estate attorney, aka Mr. Privilege. I rent an illegal home attached to air bnb, the part about it being illegal was unknown to me. Until today when I was forced to look up building codes, that’s another story for another day.

Right here right now I’ve got too much to say, I can’t stop now or I’ll let this train get away. So back to where I am currently. I pay $1595 to live where I do, it’s absolutely beautiful and exactly what I needed at the perfect time too.

What I also didn’t know is that my landlord Mr.Privilege wasn’t as nice of a guy as I thought. Again my desire to see the good in others still has the ability to blind me against the reality of who they are proving to be. Note taken!! So when the latest air bnb’s guest brought their dogs, I was absolutely startled they arrived after we were in bed and the dogs were going nuts.

I didn’t blame them it’s a scary to be in a new place, I know it can be rough. So in the morning when the owners left I wasn’t really shocked that the dogs were barking non stop. After two and a half hours of non stop barking, I was really getting concerned and my nerves were beginning to wear thin. I messaged my landlord and here is where this drama begins.

The first text and his response was absolutely fine!he even apologized, the air bnb people came back and took care of the dogs all was fine. My landlord even checked to make sure the dogs had calmed down, what a great guy!

Crisis adverted but would I be so lucky the next time they went out again? The answer was no and for $1595 a month I didn’t sign up to feel as if I was living in a kennel, it didn’t seem fair but I shrugged my shoulder and went on without a care.

I went out and enjoyed my day, went into nature and spent time with a friend. Came back to my house to make dinner and it started again. The dogs wouldn’t stop barking with every sound I would make once their parents left them they must have been scared in a new place. I reached out again for help after another 2 & 1/2 hours.

This time I wasn’t met with kindness, instead I was treated as an inconvenience bullied slandered attacked threatened and now I’m being evicted. I wish there was some amazing tale to tell you but in all honesty that’s the long and short of it. This time at least I noticed and stood up for myself this time right away.

So this is what Mr. Privilege had to say.. I’m not doing this all summer with the air bnb guests you have 60 days to get out. You’re in violation of your lease. He also tried to throw some false accusations my way. The problem is this when you lie manipulate and bully someone it’s just not a good look.

Oh let me tell you about last Sunday, this one was really for the books! In my lease I have a back lot, it’s my parking and yard area I pay for it. So Mr. Privilege comes to assert toxic male dominance and brings a male counterpart each with a big truck to further intimidate me. He tells me to move my car, my personal vehicle from my parking area so he can park his trailer there right now or he is towing my car.

Literally no joke.

I have already at this point explained that I will be spoken to as an equal and to please keep it professional and business like, I’m not your friend, child, mother or wife. I am your tenant and we have a legally binding contract to be withheld on both sides. All I am asking for is basic human decency and consideration.

I know I am more then considerate when he asks me to throw away the air bnbs trash as recycling every week. As well as all the nights I can’t even sleep in my own home because of endless parties until after 2 am.

Guess what.. Nope I am not the one hosting them, but anywhere you sit in my home you wouldn’t know the difference. It’s so loud I think there’s something that helps with noise is it proper installation?

Regardless, here I am now and allow me to explain the layout of my house as I sat at home today, then we can get to why I’m truly feeling this way. We shall begin with a picture!

See those steps? That’s my front door, the cars aren’t mine they are from the air bnb.

So I have exactly one exit, you enter it’s my kitchen you go upstairs and I am above the air bnb. No escape, no back door, no front escape I’m literally surrounded. However this is the funny thing I wouldn’t have cared. It was their mother’s 80th birthday! I didn’t say a word.

So let’s rewind to 5:22 am this Sunday morning , I receive an email from Mr.Privilege about a review the previous air bnb rental made. I will enclose all info because I need your input guys. What would you do? If this were you and you lived here? I can’t afford to move and I’m stuck in between a rock and a hard place. Yet to me it seems clear.

Email from Mr.Privilege
The air bnb review but look below there’s proof!
Again that’s my front door no other entrance or exit point.
However the air bnb renters are given a back yard with gazebo and ping pong table, grill etc and an entire front yard. This isn’t it this is a common driveway shared my multiple units there’s isn’t included they also have separate parking up front.

This was my reply to my landlord.

As per your request I am only to email you after you told me you were falsely evicting me in 60 days because you weren’t going to do this all summer with the air bnb guests. Then you persist to email me this telling me about complaints again completely unheard of and you’ve never before mentioned it. Now what you have done and I can’t comprehend how an adult business man can literally be fueled by emotion and not logic. Which was what I asked for when dealing with. Speak to me as an equal I am not your child.

Regardless I will address your message. That is not at what happened yet moving as per your response I am only to email you. The thing about opinions they are interesting, however they are not facts. I can absolutely provide proof of interactions and witnesses which were outside at the time.  

I was outside smoking on my porch mid day I am absolutely well within my rights to be on my porch in my area on phone and ask some to quiet down, it’s one of the minimal spaces I have. It’s a drive way not yard. In the same aspect the same consideration is what I’ve been asking for yet you have a problem with me when I ask for it. However you have no issue accepting my rent. Please make it make sense. 

Moving forward let’s readdress this false eviction based on lies on 2/19/2022 you stated We have 60 days were being evicted because I asked you for you help with the dogs at the air bnb the instant you lied and accused me you’re right the dynamic absolutely changed. How would you feel if someone slandered your good name with lies? 

Now you come with this.

What?!???!??!??!?
Crickets ever since 🦗 🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗

Yet I’m the one in tears all day with my stomach in knots. How is this right for anyone at all? What if it were you?

Thank you for reading it really does help to write it all out and put it into perspective for me. Maybe when things get hard try writing about it, you really do feel better since you’re not forced to silently hold it all in.

Let’s hope tomorrow is a better day!! Happy birthday to the 80 year old granny in the attached house many many more amazing years for you to come! What a beautiful gift to celebrate someone! I hope at that age I’m that blessed. A little understanding saves a lot of unneeded stress! 🤍🕊♾

Early morning quiet reflection. Still healing.. it’s a lifetime kinda thing!

/ divinetemptations1111 / Leave a comment

I woke up at 1 am so many good things are happening, yet I still am unsettled. I can see it all happening and it’s coming in fast. Here I still sit struggling to release the pain of the past.

I truly believe most people don’t understand the meaning or being of love. If they did there is no way, they would do the things they do. It doesn’t take a rocket science to understand if you’re intentionally causing harm to another in order to feel better about yourself that’s not love it’s toxicity, release them from your personal hell. Love doesn’t cause pain, manipulation, control, greed, hate or toxicity only ignorance and immaturity do.

Isn’t it time we all actually tried to do the best we can do, being a good person shouldn’t come hard it’s true. Yes life gets painful for us all, but to allow your heart to be hardened is the biggest detriment of all.

The reason is simple I would never do that to another person. Even if they intentionally hurt me, so I cannot fathom hurting someone you love just to hurt them to feel better about your life. Sometimes even when our feelings are hurt it doesn’t mean you’re automatically right. Stop letting emotions rule you and look at the facts. I know it’s your life but the world is for us all, you don’t get to take control and dictate to us all.

The only thing I pray is when you tally it all up in the end, I hope the pain you handed out belonged to the right recipient. All wrongly checked and claimed bags of pain, will be handed to their rightful owners, before life is complete. Welcome to the age of knowing, we’re no longer asleep.

I won’t handle those who hurt me recklessly, I will be kinder while I hand you back the pain you so quickly threw at me, I will be decent enough to break it down and show you how it’s was your suitcase all along. I will even show you my wisdom I was able to gain from your lesson.

Trust what was done is the darkness is coming out into the light. For far too long I allowed myself to be the blame of it all, I stumbled long enough it was your job to catch me if I should fall. We are entrusted with the well being of our children that is a fact. If you didn’t want me you shouldn’t have had me, guess what I’m here you can’t send me back.

Yet what you did was uncalled for, you took everything away intentionally when I became sick and couldn’t handle it all. You saw it as the final straw, you took full advantage of the situation and put a wedge between us all.

The thing about taking a big fall, once you I regained my strength and got back up, I decided it was time to stand up for all.

I’m sick and tired of the pain and the games, why can’t we see doing the same things repeatedly and expecting a different outcome is a definition of insane.

These things won’t change until we hold others accountable and stop accepting abuse as love. If you didn’t know, now you know.

We are all divine and nothing sent from the divine will fill you with pain, only with love. So if it hurts it’s a lesson guiding you to love yourself, to learn to speak your truth and defend what is right for you.

This is your life if it’s not the one you hoped for and it isn’t right for you. Ask yourself why you’re there you only get one shot at least give yourself a good one!

If it’s not love you may want to ask yourself why you stick around and slowly wait to die, they aren’t gonna change and times going by, take those broken wings and learn how to fly.

You deserve a life of love and peace, it can absolutely be yours you simply have to believe and try.

First decide what is and isn’t acceptable for you, get out of your comfort zone and try something new. Start telling others what is and isn’t okay for you, this is basic human decency. I don’t like this and I won’t do it to you, don’t do it to me.

It’s simple and true. Yet when it comes to speaking up and honoring ourselves it’s something that most of us simply don’t do. I believe it’s because we don’t think we have the right, which is funny when you consider this is our life.

We must read in order to comprehend, we must speak in order to teach, we must learn to communicate in order to understand and we must be willing to have deep hard conversations judgement free, using only understanding and open minds if we’re ever to change the hearts and minds of all humans.

Children are sacrificed in so many ways everyday the children are lost and who pays the ultimate price.. the children for their parents selfish ways. So I can make sense I f the phrase hell is for children..

Parents are so wrapped up in their own hells, while the kids try to understand what’s happening and what to do, they find themselves alone with no one to talk to. Parents so busy trying to live their lives suddenly their kids became an inconvenience to their lives. The children are trapped in the hell the parent creates until the child breaks free and grows up and away.

They can’t see that the children struggle too and on top of the pain of the reality they children get blamed for what the other parent wouldn’t live up too. What they also didn’t see is we are here to speak the truth. It ends with us it’s isn’t something we’re going to continue.

If you don’t like your children because of your ex allow me to remind you of this. You chose your ex, your child was innocent. It’s not their fault if they came out the spitting image of him or her. They didn’t ask to be born to either of you. Many of us got a shit hand, we’re all doing the best that we can do.

The older generations disconnect seems to be a simple one. Narrow minded, pride filled, hurt egos whose hearts have hardened, why? because they have guilt and secrets to hide. We are the disappointment they hold when they close their eyes. Truth is we’re not responsible to be what they dreamed we would that was their dream, this is our life.. let’s get that clearly understood.

Too often I see adults try and try again to regain a bond with toxic parents and it’s always the same outcome. The child takes all the blame while the parents judge and take no accountability. It’s ridiculous to see all the bitterness anger and jealousy that comes so much hatred and it’s typically over money which is funny. I guess in their eyes love costs..

In my heart and soul, I have always been blessed to know love doesn’t cost a thing. I give it out freely because everyone can use it and it’s one of the best parts of me!

I only wish others could see, the things that divide us don’t even matter, will what you financially achieved comfort you in your final hour?

I know when I die want to think back and relive memories and moments with those I love, I won’t be focused on what’s in my bank account, I will be focused on the love that was shared and the people I cared for and to those I’ve created they are my legacy and they’re the greatest accomplishment of my life.

How their story is written is entirely their right! I will never judge or shame them for what they did or didn’t do, I will be there when they need guidance love and support I am their mother and for them there is nothing I wouldn’t do.

Patience and understanding comes very easily to me as I understand these life lessons are something we all go through.

There is no room for bitterness or anger towards the kids we were all kids once, why can’t we see we have no idea what’s happening personally for them and understand they’re all doing the best they can, when did we forget how hard it was growing up man?!

I just think people need to realize before the time expires. While we should love people and use things we don’t. Instead we love things and use people.. we have gotten it so wrong, stop going with the crowds it’s clear to see they’re lost.

https://www.lakotatimes.com/articles/rainbow-warriors/

/ divinetemptations1111 / Leave a comment

The elders knew what was going to come, the faith they had was and has always been unwavering.

What no one seems to understand is they were absolutely right. The rainbow warriors would be the ones to save the world.

Who are the rainbow warriors?

Allow me to introduce you to anyone who has fought for love in any real way and that includes those who paid dearly.

I’ve been shown by God/Source/Great spirit, the rainbow warriors are found everywhere.

I speak for myself but I find it to be Particularly in the LGBTQIA community. Yes let me explain from my personal experience. I am a lesbian, I have had to fight every single day for my right to love. As a mother in the nineties I worried all the time that they would take my children simply because I loved a woman.

Much like those before me who lost their lives, homes, families; I went through similar struggles and heartbreaking loss and traumas. To be honest we opened the broken hearts club and became advocates for all, in what is right for all.

We payed dearly every step of the way, yet I couldn’t be more proud of being gay.

My struggles and pain only paved the path for my own daughter to come out as a lesbian and receive the support and love she deserves.

There isn’t a better feeling to be had if you’re a true of heart mom or dad! You just get it. If my suffering helped in any aspect, that’s a blessing and a beautiful gift.

Yet here we are in 2022 and again they threaten our freedoms. How many more lives will be lost for the belief of man?

They’re trying to undo all we have fought for with our lives. I am sick of it and can’t stand this hate and evil anymore.

Why is this country run by those fueled on hateful personal beliefs and evil in their hearts? So focused on power and control they happily will sacrifice each and every soul.

It’s time to take control back and set it right for all!

Either we finally stand up together and unite once and for all. They’ve already proven that divided we fall.

This country has become so over run with greed, taken over by manipulation. They weaponized their own people against each other, make no mistake this is a war on humanity.

In school you were taught how to obey, you were told what to think. How to behave and what is and isn’t socially acceptable which bred intolerance and judgement and led us all to shame.

Those who thought for themselves and spoke their minds had no choice, me personally I felt forced into speaking up. How could I be quiet with the reality I was born into? Truth is it was done to everyone and we all did the best we could do.

We did our best to warn you all and now of it all is too hard to bear.

We understand and there is no judgement, now it’s simply time to do better. When you know better you do better. You soon will.

Ignorance is no longer an acceptable excuse, if you wouldn’t like it done to you don’t do it to another. So simple yet so true.

Those addicts in your families that you threw away did you ever once consider what happened to them? What was done to them to make them become this way? Or did you fill with shame anger and judgement and ultimately throw them away.

Simply because you feel something doesn’t make it right. There are so many different perceptions to open to. Try to open to understanding again. Those walls you built to protect you when your heart couldn’t take anymore are the same walls preventing love from truly entering.

I promise you this no God will ever judge you without taking it all into consideration and we all deserved the same opportunity yet it was stolen from us so trust unless you’re intentionally evil you’re good.

It’s time to speak up for everyone and that includes you! Yes you matter too! Please realize this is for everyone of us!!!

All the outcasts, misfits, rainbow warriors, gay, straight, no labels it’s time to just be beautiful you!! If we don’t stand up for each other because it’s not our problem who is going to be left to stand for you when they come?

If it’s not your fight and it’s not right simply don’t participate what are they going to do arrest all who refuse to fight a mans war over control, when they are fighting Gods war for the heart and soul of man. We will never achieve peace while we’re fighting another mans war.

It’s time to try again in a better way together and begin Anew. The God of my heart is all about love and peace and I only speak the truth. 🕊🤍♾ I love you

Hurt people hurt people and they sometimes do not know it.

/ divinetemptations1111 / Leave a comment

The truth is hurt people hurt people.

Have you ever wondered why?
Perhaps we should try and understand if we contributed to the hurt that these people are unleashing.

Understand this loves, If you personally hurt someone and it was intentionally or unintentionally they have the right to how they feel.

If you truly love them you will be willing to listen to understand without being defensive, If we can start living with understanding instead of judgement perhaps we can acknowledge that we are all suffering and trying to do the best we can.

If you didn’t have any hand in hurting them perhaps show a little grace and realize they may not know a better way exists.

Kindness matters to yourself and others.
It helps to heal hearts, then we can find who we truly are under all the pain we’ve endured. It’s time we do better together educate each other. Hold all as accountable as you hold yourself.
🕊🤍♾~ Tami Irizarry
We can change this world together!

Bless up and open to truth. This is what I do with unsolicited advise.

/ divinetemptations1111 / Leave a comment

Allow me to share this nugget of knowledge with you.
Release the beliefs that you know anything about another, you do not you simply know yourself and what you don’t wish to acknowledge within is shown to you through your interactions with others.
Before you should anyone remember this, don’t tell me what I should do and I won’t tell you what you should do.
When we avoid our own healing because we’re too stuck to realize it is us crying to be healed, we project it on to others and while that is beautiful and so sharing it’s important to give that love and attention to yourself. Bless up Queens and Kings. 🤍🕊♾ Love Forevermore -Tami Irizarry.

love #peace #westandunited #spirituality #healing #StopPretending #getright #getready #getreal #lovethelifeyoulive #livethelifeyoulove #NoMoreExcuses2022

What’s the matrix??

/ divinetemptations1111 / Leave a comment

Hello love and welcome!!

I know how overwhelming this can all feel. So the best way I can describe the matrix is to describe you first. Allow me to explain, when you were born you were perfect absolutely full of unconditional love and innocence.

As you grew and others were responsible to help you to learn and mature. They may have taught you some ways that weren’t right or created some pain within you. Now as an adult you’re finding who you were before the world told you who you were.

The matrix is anything that tells us what to think or feel rather then allowing us to simply be who we are and embracing it. The matrix is those in control who seek to remain in control over power and greed.

They do this with lies and through intentional manipulation they have a say over what information we are given.

They rely on fear and hate, to do and to take as they wish without consideration or consequences.

So now here we are as a human race and we’re not unintelligent, we are not so soft spoken anymore, we are not afraid and we are coming together to stand for what is right for all.

We are informing and educating as we do our best to uplift, heal and encourage each other on our journeys when our paths cross. I hope that has helped to give you a better understanding. If you have any other questions feel free to ask! We’re all in this together!

We’re all in this together!

/ divinetemptations1111 / Leave a comment

I’m asking for your help to grow this page. For far too long many have wandered in search of answer with no safe place to find them. There are far too many people alone and struggling with the same questions and with no one to ask. Simply because they’re scared of being judged.

Now im a straight shooter and I am not emotion based when it comes to the right and wrong of life. Right is right for everyone or no one at all.

So if you don’t want it done to you don’t do it to anyone else.
Be kind put yourself in someone else’s shoes.
I know many have a lot of questions and are struggling.

I’m opening a Free Q&A about the journey and how to progress. At https://www.facebook.com/groups/1163348093828054/.

This will remain open free now and forevermore!

This group is not here to judge. I know that this journey that I am on personally there is no way for anyone to understand what I am personally experiencing first hand, with that understanding I don’t judge another soul.

What I do is seek to understand, I ask for clarity instead of assuming so I ask that you try that way while interacting with each other let’s keep it a safe space for all.

On different levels we experience different vibrations and emotions. Some are new. Some advanced. All absolutely where they are meant to be and all equally important.

These are basic human decencies, we’re all in this together let’s bring humanity back!!
For too long we’ve lost our way, I need your help to grow this group and make real change!!!

Remember I am my own healer.

/ divinetemptations1111 / Leave a comment

So while I spent this early morning revisiting the past. It is now 8:00am and the birds are chirping. it is a beautiful day to be alive!

The one thing I have learned is that I am the one who chooses how I experience this life and I choose to be happy. Too much of my life has been controlled by the actions of others. I won’t allow that again, it is my life and I live it for me.

I guess I am telling you this to help remind you, no matter how bad the past is, how dark the depression there is hope. When it gets bad put your hand over your feel it beating and know my love you are a work of art! I love you all.

Hold on change is coming although it hurts to grow, its necessary. We deserve love, peace and happiness. Freedom from all the shackles that have held us back.

2022

/ divinetemptations1111 / Leave a comment

2022 wishes for myself and all I love

I simply wish for us to do better, to live a life of peace, true love, and joy. With honest open communication, this can be achieved. I know because I live it every day of my life.

I depend on absolute honesty because it is what I give, any form of manipulation however good you may think you are doing is still only causing harm.

If I know your intentions I can plan my life accordingly. It is far kinder, to be honest than to keep someone waiting around when you have no intentions of following through.

You’re only preventing them from moving forward and although you may say it is because you don’t want to hurt their feelings.

I promise in the long run you’re doing more harm than good with the little white lies.

It’s time, to be honest.

Give people a chance instead of assuming their actions and reactions.

Stop and consider how you make others feel, this life isn’t a one-way road of taking what you can and never worrying about anyone else.

If this is how you choose to live may I ask how it would feel if this is how you were treated?

When people cause you intentional pain that they are aware of letting them go is self-love.

If you’re unsure if they know they hurt you tell them and ask them to stop.

Stop assuming people know, use your voice and speak up and say something.

If someone is controlling who you can talk to and when please realize that isn’t healthy it’s abusive to control the actions of another. It stems from fear and insecurity that If another has access to you they will lose control.

With anything in your life make it make sense to you in every way and if it doesn’t make sense it’s time to find out why!

Master manipulators are out there yes and trust they cannot continue to thrive once we stop accepting their behaviors. Most people aren’t evil they’re just hurt little kids pretending they’re grown trying to do the best they can, it’s time to grow and learn.

There is absolutely a balance, it is achievable, We owe it to ourselves and the future to try.

We all deserve love.

Yet love as we have been taught is painful and untrue it is mixed with other emotions that it never belonged to.

Love doesn’t exist freely where there are lies and manipulation.

Trust can never be formed truly where there are lies and manipulation.

What we have learned is love mixed with control and manipulation, love controlled and manipulated turns into regret.

Regret turns into pain, pain into grief, grief into despair, fear and anxiety come along and bring loss. Don’t you see?

It’s 2022 Let’s gift each other honesty and clear communication. No one is asking for perfection simply progress let’s try and be better.

Teach ourselves, our children, and parents how to break the cycles, by speaking up for what’s right at home!!

It’s time to stop allowing Weak-minded individuals to control the narrative of the story by keeping you in a place of fear, shame, or guilt.

Speak up for yourself and others.

This isn’t about blaming anyone.

Bad things that happened to all of us, generational trauma is very real, look around.

Some have had it far worse than others yes, We are not blind, We are not deaf, We are not mute.

We see the evil. We call out the evil, We end it together. We are aware.

We are the change we’ve been waiting for, It is up to us to stop allowing it to continue!

Remember this above all right is right when it is right and just for all not just some.

We all deserve better.

Let’s do it together. Love Wins!

Statement of intent. Speaking the truth of the pain of the past to change the future.

/ divinetemptations1111 / 3 Comments

I was molested as a child by multiple people but one, in particular, was constant from ages beginning around 5 lasting until I was 14 years old. This was my maternal aunt’s husband who molested me. I don’t believe charges were ever brought forward. However the following year I attempted suicide because the family had found out and people treated me as a problem and my life went on a decline. Now as a 43-year-old woman with children of her own. I cannot sit here knowing my predator was never brought to justice and may be out there destroying other innocent children. I now understand the full impact of what childhood abuse and molestation create in a child. I cannot live in peace without bringing light to it. The truth is abuse has damaging effects regardless of whether you wish to acknowledge it or not. Until we can speak about it honestly and understand it’s why so many of us struggle. How can we ever hope to change it for those still suffering, simply because it’s not anyone’s problem? Isn’t it all of our responsibility to do the right thing for every child? Those who survived the trauma were blamed and misunderstood, we were made to hang our heads silently while pretending that it wasn’t killing us slowly. We had people hurt us, blame us, accuse us and then walk away and tell us it was our fault we became too much to invest in anymore. It may sound harsh but it’s the reality, what they didn’t take a moment to consider was how it was for us, how we had no concept of reality since everyone was manipulating our minds to use us to get what they wanted. We were mere objects for desire or pleasure a nice release from the stress of life for the adults in our lives. The roles I played were many… they enjoyed me for sexual gratification. I was used for stress relief in the physical form sometimes you just have to beat something up, a punching bag may have been too expensive. Emotional and mental torment was always fun. Psychological warfare was another childhood home regular as well as destruction of self-worth. Neglect we can’t forget that and the point is that here we are not learning not doing better not understanding that all the reasons I became a problem, was because of what was done to me. Why could no one be open to the perspective of a child who was abused and manipulated in every way? Those I needed the most abandoned me and I still don’t know why. I was highly overmedicated my entire adult life until 40 and on heavy narcotics and mind-altering substances to control my major depression disorder, my bipolar disorder, my agoraphobia, my suicidal past, my cutting, my overeating to compensate for the lack of love and support in my life. My mania, my coming out as a lesbian, my bad choices all became the only things you saw when you looked at me so you stopped looking and walked away. I still reach out but I can’t control the stories you believe nor do I wish to. However, understand that this is not being done in bitterness or anger it is being done because I won’t sit around silent while another child gets hurt or another grown woman ends her life because she was a child destroyed by the adults that were meant to protect her. Change starts somewhere and this is my contribution. So while it may be uncomfortable for those remembering the past events this isn’t about you. It is my absolute right to protect and fight for myself.

My molester walked away free and clear. This is him.