It’s all IN LOVE.
I’m not mean, I’m tired of waiting and ready for change.
I will be honest and tell you what they won’t.

I want you to succeed in this life we have been hurt for too long, not knowing better.
I AM THE ONLY ME I CAN BE AND I WANT THE WORLD RID OF PAIN AND TOXICITY AND THAT BEGINS WITH THE TRUTH AND HARD CONVERSATIONS NO ONE LIKES TO HAVE. We are the change we’ve been waiting for yet nothing changes until we change it!

How do we begin?
With healing ourselves and recognizing destructive patterns of pain we’ve inherited. We strive to understand how we became who we are as an individual and how much of it is ours versus all that we picked up from others along the way. We stop being so damn selfish and childish and we take responsibility and accountability for what we do in all aspects.

We call out abusers and stand by the abused.
We stop mistreating people and calling it love so that the abuse can continue!!
I can assure you LOVE DOESN’T HURT!!
What hurts is lies, manipulation, mind games, abusive behaviors, neglect, abandonment, alienation, shame, guilt, toxicity, feelings of worthlessness, control…. ARE YOU UNDERSTANDING IT NOW?

Now everyone wants to be the good guy and follow the see no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil, it’s none of my business mindset.
Well that’s where you screwed up it is your business and let me explain.
We have no one left to blame but ourselves if this is the way we continue once you know better and understand what the consequences for continuing these actions are.

OH BEFORE I BEGIN UNDERSTAND THIS. ONLY A PERSON WHO HAS PERSONALLY EXPERIENCED THE TRAUMA WILL EVER TRULY UNDERSTAND THE DAMAGE AND THE EFFECT IT TRULY TOOK ON THEIR LIVES.
You can study all you like but unless it’s happened to you.. STAY SILENT ON THE SUBJECT WHEN IT COMES TO HOW IT AFFECTED ANOTHER PERSON OR HOW SOMEONE SHOULD FEEL OR BEHAVE.
I can only speak from my own personal experiences.
In my humble opinion some mental illness such as depression, anxiety…. are absolutely caused by abusive, neglectful, toxic upbringings.
Now here is the problem everyone knew what was happening yet it was no one’s place to speak up it wasn’t their business.
Now 44 years later I know that my upbringing and events that shaped my life left me a victim allow me to explain.
I had been so broken and confused feeling devoid completely, I didn’t understand that what I had been taught love was.. was truly not.
So when I was abused in relationships I literally thought it was normal and it was better then I had known. Yes you read that right!!!
I took time I turned inward, I questioned everything including why I was who I was and why I did the things I did, felt the way I felt and thought the way I did.

I began unpacking all the suitcases of pain from around my heart. I started healing and understanding that we will never break these cycles until we call out the abusers and build up the abused. You have a voice you matter please let’s start using it!

How many children should endure the pain of outdated toxic beliefs meant to harm one’s confidence and strip them of self worth?

Isn’t it time to begin anew way forward together?
When we take the time to release judgements and begin to try and understand one another, we will come to fine we all want to be loved. We want to matter and we want to feel connected and safe with those we surround ourselves with in all aspects.

When we stop allowing each other to destroy each other and we stop allowing innocent children to pay for the parents pain handed down from the generations before, we come to find they also blessed us with the strength, wisdom, guidance and power to end these cycles together.

It’s simple and it starts at home.
Treat everyone how you want to be treated! If you don’t like to be treated that way don’t do it to anyone else.
Stop taking your frustrations out on your children learn to control your emotions.

Your CHILDREN aren’t here because they asked to be you picked a partner and created life, they are YOUR RESPONSIBILITY IN ALL ASPECTS!
Raise them with love encouragement and support.
Don’t judge them the world will do that enough, home should be a safe haven.
Do you like to be belittled or made to feel bad? No because NO ONE DOES!
STOP INTENTIONALLY HARMING OTHERS AND CALLING IT A JOKE ITS REALLY NOT FUNNY WHEN YOU LOOK AT THE STATE OF HUMANITY IN OUR SOCIETY.
Be honest if you don’t lie you have nothing to remember or hide.
Mean what you say and say what you mean.
Not everyone understands or thinks as you do and that is beautiful!
Imagine if we all felt safe to just be ourselves without pretending to have this amazing life all the time to keep appearances up!!
Especially in a world where we are all messed up!
Look life isn’t hard and no one is coming to save us the job is up to us!
Things change when you change them and I know I love you all and I want a better future for our children and grandchildren to come.

When you think to say this doesn’t effect me remember you may be doing amazing with your child and when they get older they run into the abused child who is hurt and angry and they get in a relationship. He/she never healed and eventually it begins to show unfortunately because no one told her/him it’s not okay to behave in these ways or do these things he continues thinking it’s normal. He/she ends up harming your grown child emotionally, mentally, physically or worse… don’t you wish someone would have helped that boy before he turned into the abusive man your child’s with now? Or at least called him/her out on their shit when they watched it happening instead of saying it isn’t my place?
Tami Irizarry

The thing they won’t mention is that I tried to prevent this all along.

I used my words and spoke my truth they are absolutely aware of all they do. I choose me.

There is nothing more I can do, I’m done with the undercover in my face not so hidden abuse.

You used my love for you and my family against me to try and manipulate and control the narrative, I see your game I want no part in it.

You made it clear you don’t value anything I say and don’t want to hear anything that I have to say, that’s not a conversation that’s simply you speaking at me… well that seems one sided so I’ll excuse myself there is no reason for me to waste my time or energy.

You spoke lies about me to cover yourself and that’s just fine, I wish you well.

So yes I changed I found my worth your pain is something I never deserve. So no I have nothing to say, no I don’t care to spend time, I’ve tried with you and I’ve had my heart broken a million times.

I love you it’s true but that’s as far as it goes I love sharks and venomous snakes, Im also not stupid it’s not safe to get close.

I know that others will think I shouldn’t be feeling this way, yet how can I deny the truth? Lying to myself isn’t a thing that I do, I’m not about to start now.

Empaths truly love with all of their hearts and would do anything for those they love. Most will openly admit it’s because they know what it feels like to not feel loved and don’t ever want another to experience that.

Often this will lead empaths into relationships with toxic partners. Love does grow between the the two, yet the love is toxic and unbalanced it’s true… the empath will become abused and still they will fight to prove their love as they take all the blame. The narcissist finds ultimate joy in this, they love the control and messed up games.

That is until we finally stand up. Once we do and they can no longer control us they start seeking new victims and without warning they are gone.

The empaths are left with unanswered questions and unheard pain. So I thought I would help to make it make sense.

It’s not you.

This is where I was able to see it in a different way, first I had to be honest with myself and walk through my pain. It’s a bit of how I feel, perhaps you’ve felt the same?

This is a letter to someone I loved.

You were my best friend and I believed in you, I couldn’t save you from your fears so that changed you. Instead of seeing it for what it was you made up wild lies you couldn’t actually believe I wanted you by my side. After all the damage that had been caused by you, I found forgiveness. My healing had only begun I had to love myself.

I picked up all your broken pieces every single time it was finally your turn and you left me alone to die. The thing is you stuck that knife in my heart it was you every single time, still I blamed myself and tried to understand what happened overnight forever I was your family and best friend straight to nothing over night.

I was trying to find my way back to learn to trust you again so when you put the blame on me remember this in the end. I cannot tell a lie. I truly loved you and wanted you forever in my life.

That’s why I say it’s a fucked up thing to play with hearts and minds the damage that you cause it absolutely destroys lives. Love isn’t a game or something just to say. Love is shown in how you live, its expressed in what you choose to say, it’s shown in what you choose to do and how you treat those you who truly love you.

I know I love far more than most, I have to be true to myself and you have to be true to you so please remember in all that you do. Hearts and minds are not play things and the damage we cause not always can we undo.

However If love is real and love is true, why would we give up on each other is that what love would do?

I think we get frustrated and we stop trying to understand. I feel like people become so jaded and fearful that too much damage had been caused so they walk away afraid that to be treated in the exact same way.

Toxic people struggle to grasp forgiveness, understanding, responsibility and accountability is too much of a burden for the fragile ego to take so instead they choose to walk away and give up on love. They find a easier target and fuck another life up.

I also learned toxic means hurt. It’s a person who has become so hurt they don’t know any other way to be except what they have been taught and that is to hurt others.

So now that we know how about we resolve to let that type of love die it’s toxic and not right for anyone. If you don’t love them let them go, if you love them let it show. Loves not a game.

Now what I can tell you is that not all love is like this. There is a true real love that does exist remember the law of karma you get what you give. So if you have always been true a real true love will find you! Make sure to stop accepting less then you deserve, you set the standards for how you are treated!

Change is here you don’t have to trust me, it’s clear to see. I was outside yesterday enjoying the sun at the hotel by the pool.

I’m overhearing a mother share her story of abusy and how she is trying to break the cycle with her children, it’s beautiful.

Now the man she is sitting with is telling a story of his childhood how I empathize and give her the understanding she is longing for, finally the change we’ve been waiting on.

I’m sure they’re brother and sister now, they speak of their parents and the abuse they endured and how it messed them up as people. They’re trying to figure out a better way forward from what they had been taught.

They are able to see the trauma it’s caused in their own children it’s time.

I keep receiving the same message and conclusion it is time to let others figure it out as we start on this new journey in love, we have waited long enough.

It is safe to move forward and build this new world in love, the ones who have pure hearts yet struggle will eventually catch up, healing hurts and takes time before a person finds their way back to self after abuse.

We’ve held ourselves back for long enough now it’s time to stand back up, dust off and lift your heads and hearts!

The break is over it’s time to get out of bed, it’s time to build foundations that last this time with hope for the future and not with the pain of the past.

Love is forevermore and will always and forever last. Love is the way.

Love is unconditional acceptance of bad behavior is not. Don’t try me you better save that shit for someone else.

You may be the problem if you’r ridiculous whining and carrying on, crying, shouting and throwing a fit when you’re asked to do what’s right, or don’t get your way. Honestly it’s embarrassing and disgusting at your age, you’re not a child.

Your parents, friends, lovers and family allow your shitty behaviors simply because they don’t want to hear your mouth, your behaviors are toxic.

They give you what you want to shut you up and we’re all fully aware. They also do it out of guilt, there’s a good chance they didn’t do a good job as parents and you probably remind them of themselves.

That’s wonderful if they are good people!! Now if they’re are not good people and they have no issue because you’re like them take a look at your life and ask some questions.

You may be the problem.

The thing is you don’t have to choose to be a shitty person, it’s a choice you literally have to go out of your way to be an asshole so understand we’re fully aware of who you are and what you do.

People like this are fully aware of it and will openly admit that they’re assholes and shit starters because they think it’s funny.

The truth is they’re a cancer in this society and everything wrong with this world.

So I will gladly keep my title of black sheep and problem child. I will wear that badge with pride as I realize I’m nothing like you. I speak truth in order to bring change, I don’t talk shit to cause pain.

We are not the same if you play sick mind games.

Silence is killing our children and all that’s good to you while you keep doing what you want to.

Love wins as we call out all the bullshit, lies, manipulation and games.

This is our world and we’re done with willful ignorance, intentional pain and abuse. It’s time for you to learn, this world has turned into a new way of life. Learn the rules or be left behind it’s no longer your way at all cost.

This life is all of ours and it’s time for the divine love to rise as we take back what belongs to us all. Love Liberty and Justice for all not just some.

Could if I would be any other way, STOP! That isn’t true. Why are these the words I choose to say?

I think it’s because of societal standards and beliefs, they break us down those who don’t fit in and at times it can make me wish I didn’t exist.

Yet I know better. What they say, feel or think about me or you should make no difference.

Most people are unhappy and too busy lying to themselves,the only way they feel better about their lives is to make others feel like less.

Yet it still causes pain, the beliefs and thoughts that most hold so dear. Money is king, get to the top at all cost. No matter who is trampled on, no matter what the loss.

There must be a better way. New generations no longer have to learn through pain.

We can stop saying and doing things that we know intentionally cause harm. Willful ignorance isn’t an excuse we’re accepting anymore. Take no shit but cause no harm.

I killed a part of myself today yet not in a usual way, no one took notice I’m sad to say.

I can’t blame them the part of me that died today no one else knew existed it was the part of me that came alive when I was with you. You didn’t know it happened and you will never mourn because you walked away from me after telling me you loved me and you would always be there.

I had already learned that your actions and your words rarely ring true. It was the same pattern that had been shown to me so many times before not only by you, truthfully by everyone who had ever walked through a door and into my life.

I had to wonder if it was me and took a good look at my time here.

I realized i was damaged by the traumas of the past.

I loved to much and I cared to deeply, love was always looking to protect the ones who wished to destroy and deceive me.

Love to me isn’t a game like many who chose to play it believe it be.

Love is a bond built on truth and vulnerability how can I trust me with you when you don’t even know what love is supposed to do?

How can I simply be me when you get threatened by what that means for you? We are not the same you’re here to play games and I seek truth and clarity I don’t give a damn what this world thinks of me.

This isn’t a popularity contest to me it’s about living my truth authentically.

Big money fast cars and some bling on your arm doesn’t mean shit when you have all that chaos on your mind and in your heart.

The path to redemption begins in your soul, it brings you back to the past to understand how you became the person you are.

A deep truth and personal accountability is needed if you are to get past this part.

The past is hard and no one wants to admit it but we have all fucked up it’s time to go back to the beginning. Once we understand how it came to be we can begin the undoing of the trauma and set ourselves free.