suicide

Hey God it’s me. Today is certainly a day, I’m sure so many of us feel the same.

/ divinetemptations1111 / Leave a comment

I’m sick to my stomach, stress and anxiety are absolutely heightened my PTSD is triggered and I’m again finding that all of this was caused by the immature and wrong actions of another.

Yet here I am left dealing with the consequences of those inactions or actions, depending on how you want to look at it. Now what I want to know is when does it stop?

When do we begin holding adults accountable for their narcissistic temper tantrums? When do we say enough is enough to toxicity and take a stand against it once and for all?

I know I’m standing up to answer the call, not just because it affects me alone, but when you think of it this blatant disregard for humanity affects us all.

Let’s take it back to my landlord let’s call him Mr. My father is a real estate attorney, aka Mr. Privilege. I rent an illegal home attached to air bnb, the part about it being illegal was unknown to me. Until today when I was forced to look up building codes, that’s another story for another day.

Right here right now I’ve got too much to say, I can’t stop now or I’ll let this train get away. So back to where I am currently. I pay $1595 to live where I do, it’s absolutely beautiful and exactly what I needed at the perfect time too.

What I also didn’t know is that my landlord Mr.Privilege wasn’t as nice of a guy as I thought. Again my desire to see the good in others still has the ability to blind me against the reality of who they are proving to be. Note taken!! So when the latest air bnb’s guest brought their dogs, I was absolutely startled they arrived after we were in bed and the dogs were going nuts.

I didn’t blame them it’s a scary to be in a new place, I know it can be rough. So in the morning when the owners left I wasn’t really shocked that the dogs were barking non stop. After two and a half hours of non stop barking, I was really getting concerned and my nerves were beginning to wear thin. I messaged my landlord and here is where this drama begins.

The first text and his response was absolutely fine!he even apologized, the air bnb people came back and took care of the dogs all was fine. My landlord even checked to make sure the dogs had calmed down, what a great guy!

Crisis adverted but would I be so lucky the next time they went out again? The answer was no and for $1595 a month I didn’t sign up to feel as if I was living in a kennel, it didn’t seem fair but I shrugged my shoulder and went on without a care.

I went out and enjoyed my day, went into nature and spent time with a friend. Came back to my house to make dinner and it started again. The dogs wouldn’t stop barking with every sound I would make once their parents left them they must have been scared in a new place. I reached out again for help after another 2 & 1/2 hours.

This time I wasn’t met with kindness, instead I was treated as an inconvenience bullied slandered attacked threatened and now I’m being evicted. I wish there was some amazing tale to tell you but in all honesty that’s the long and short of it. This time at least I noticed and stood up for myself this time right away.

So this is what Mr. Privilege had to say.. I’m not doing this all summer with the air bnb guests you have 60 days to get out. You’re in violation of your lease. He also tried to throw some false accusations my way. The problem is this when you lie manipulate and bully someone it’s just not a good look.

Oh let me tell you about last Sunday, this one was really for the books! In my lease I have a back lot, it’s my parking and yard area I pay for it. So Mr. Privilege comes to assert toxic male dominance and brings a male counterpart each with a big truck to further intimidate me. He tells me to move my car, my personal vehicle from my parking area so he can park his trailer there right now or he is towing my car.

Literally no joke.

I have already at this point explained that I will be spoken to as an equal and to please keep it professional and business like, I’m not your friend, child, mother or wife. I am your tenant and we have a legally binding contract to be withheld on both sides. All I am asking for is basic human decency and consideration.

I know I am more then considerate when he asks me to throw away the air bnbs trash as recycling every week. As well as all the nights I can’t even sleep in my own home because of endless parties until after 2 am.

Guess what.. Nope I am not the one hosting them, but anywhere you sit in my home you wouldn’t know the difference. It’s so loud I think there’s something that helps with noise is it proper installation?

Regardless, here I am now and allow me to explain the layout of my house as I sat at home today, then we can get to why I’m truly feeling this way. We shall begin with a picture!

See those steps? That’s my front door, the cars aren’t mine they are from the air bnb.

So I have exactly one exit, you enter it’s my kitchen you go upstairs and I am above the air bnb. No escape, no back door, no front escape I’m literally surrounded. However this is the funny thing I wouldn’t have cared. It was their mother’s 80th birthday! I didn’t say a word.

So let’s rewind to 5:22 am this Sunday morning , I receive an email from Mr.Privilege about a review the previous air bnb rental made. I will enclose all info because I need your input guys. What would you do? If this were you and you lived here? I can’t afford to move and I’m stuck in between a rock and a hard place. Yet to me it seems clear.

Email from Mr.Privilege
The air bnb review but look below there’s proof!
Again that’s my front door no other entrance or exit point.
However the air bnb renters are given a back yard with gazebo and ping pong table, grill etc and an entire front yard. This isn’t it this is a common driveway shared my multiple units there’s isn’t included they also have separate parking up front.

This was my reply to my landlord.

As per your request I am only to email you after you told me you were falsely evicting me in 60 days because you weren’t going to do this all summer with the air bnb guests. Then you persist to email me this telling me about complaints again completely unheard of and you’ve never before mentioned it. Now what you have done and I can’t comprehend how an adult business man can literally be fueled by emotion and not logic. Which was what I asked for when dealing with. Speak to me as an equal I am not your child.

Regardless I will address your message. That is not at what happened yet moving as per your response I am only to email you. The thing about opinions they are interesting, however they are not facts. I can absolutely provide proof of interactions and witnesses which were outside at the time.  

I was outside smoking on my porch mid day I am absolutely well within my rights to be on my porch in my area on phone and ask some to quiet down, it’s one of the minimal spaces I have. It’s a drive way not yard. In the same aspect the same consideration is what I’ve been asking for yet you have a problem with me when I ask for it. However you have no issue accepting my rent. Please make it make sense. 

Moving forward let’s readdress this false eviction based on lies on 2/19/2022 you stated We have 60 days were being evicted because I asked you for you help with the dogs at the air bnb the instant you lied and accused me you’re right the dynamic absolutely changed. How would you feel if someone slandered your good name with lies? 

Now you come with this.

What?!???!??!??!?
Crickets ever since 🦗 🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗

Yet I’m the one in tears all day with my stomach in knots. How is this right for anyone at all? What if it were you?

Thank you for reading it really does help to write it all out and put it into perspective for me. Maybe when things get hard try writing about it, you really do feel better since you’re not forced to silently hold it all in.

Let’s hope tomorrow is a better day!! Happy birthday to the 80 year old granny in the attached house many many more amazing years for you to come! What a beautiful gift to celebrate someone! I hope at that age I’m that blessed. A little understanding saves a lot of unneeded stress! 🤍🕊♾

Hurt people hurt people and they sometimes do not know it.

/ divinetemptations1111 / Leave a comment

The truth is hurt people hurt people.

Have you ever wondered why?
Perhaps we should try and understand if we contributed to the hurt that these people are unleashing.

Understand this loves, If you personally hurt someone and it was intentionally or unintentionally they have the right to how they feel.

If you truly love them you will be willing to listen to understand without being defensive, If we can start living with understanding instead of judgement perhaps we can acknowledge that we are all suffering and trying to do the best we can.

If you didn’t have any hand in hurting them perhaps show a little grace and realize they may not know a better way exists.

Kindness matters to yourself and others.
It helps to heal hearts, then we can find who we truly are under all the pain we’ve endured. It’s time we do better together educate each other. Hold all as accountable as you hold yourself.
🕊🤍♾~ Tami Irizarry
We can change this world together!

Remember I am my own healer.

/ divinetemptations1111 / Leave a comment

So while I spent this early morning revisiting the past. It is now 8:00am and the birds are chirping. it is a beautiful day to be alive!

The one thing I have learned is that I am the one who chooses how I experience this life and I choose to be happy. Too much of my life has been controlled by the actions of others. I won’t allow that again, it is my life and I live it for me.

I guess I am telling you this to help remind you, no matter how bad the past is, how dark the depression there is hope. When it gets bad put your hand over your feel it beating and know my love you are a work of art! I love you all.

Hold on change is coming although it hurts to grow, its necessary. We deserve love, peace and happiness. Freedom from all the shackles that have held us back.

Statement of intent. Speaking the truth of the pain of the past to change the future.

/ divinetemptations1111 / 3 Comments

I was molested as a child by multiple people but one, in particular, was constant from ages beginning around 5 lasting until I was 14 years old. This was my maternal aunt’s husband who molested me. I don’t believe charges were ever brought forward. However the following year I attempted suicide because the family had found out and people treated me as a problem and my life went on a decline. Now as a 43-year-old woman with children of her own. I cannot sit here knowing my predator was never brought to justice and may be out there destroying other innocent children. I now understand the full impact of what childhood abuse and molestation create in a child. I cannot live in peace without bringing light to it. The truth is abuse has damaging effects regardless of whether you wish to acknowledge it or not. Until we can speak about it honestly and understand it’s why so many of us struggle. How can we ever hope to change it for those still suffering, simply because it’s not anyone’s problem? Isn’t it all of our responsibility to do the right thing for every child? Those who survived the trauma were blamed and misunderstood, we were made to hang our heads silently while pretending that it wasn’t killing us slowly. We had people hurt us, blame us, accuse us and then walk away and tell us it was our fault we became too much to invest in anymore. It may sound harsh but it’s the reality, what they didn’t take a moment to consider was how it was for us, how we had no concept of reality since everyone was manipulating our minds to use us to get what they wanted. We were mere objects for desire or pleasure a nice release from the stress of life for the adults in our lives. The roles I played were many… they enjoyed me for sexual gratification. I was used for stress relief in the physical form sometimes you just have to beat something up, a punching bag may have been too expensive. Emotional and mental torment was always fun. Psychological warfare was another childhood home regular as well as destruction of self-worth. Neglect we can’t forget that and the point is that here we are not learning not doing better not understanding that all the reasons I became a problem, was because of what was done to me. Why could no one be open to the perspective of a child who was abused and manipulated in every way? Those I needed the most abandoned me and I still don’t know why. I was highly overmedicated my entire adult life until 40 and on heavy narcotics and mind-altering substances to control my major depression disorder, my bipolar disorder, my agoraphobia, my suicidal past, my cutting, my overeating to compensate for the lack of love and support in my life. My mania, my coming out as a lesbian, my bad choices all became the only things you saw when you looked at me so you stopped looking and walked away. I still reach out but I can’t control the stories you believe nor do I wish to. However, understand that this is not being done in bitterness or anger it is being done because I won’t sit around silent while another child gets hurt or another grown woman ends her life because she was a child destroyed by the adults that were meant to protect her. Change starts somewhere and this is my contribution. So while it may be uncomfortable for those remembering the past events this isn’t about you. It is my absolute right to protect and fight for myself.

My molester walked away free and clear. This is him.