trauma

It’s time to understand how it all happened.

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When it comes to our children they should come first.

Children don’t learn primarily by what we say. Babies are wise, they observe everything we do, and that is where they begin to mimic our actions and learn.

Then they hear all we have to say and it is confusing for children who see the major difference in what you do versus what you say. You’re teaching them to not trust your word.

They begin to walk the path of losing faith.

Then children try to cocreate their world and speak their needs. Some are met with abuse yells and screams. Here is where they’re taught their needs don’t mean a thing.

They begin to lose value in self.

Children excited, beaming with pride so happy they run inside, tracking a mess on the floor you just swept to show you the flower they picked for you.

Instead of love and appreciation, you just tried your parents patience and now you get all the stress that they’ve been holding in. The effort isn’t worth the price you’ll pay.

You learn to feel all the blame and guilt for simply trying to do something good.

Look I’m a parent who was a child who endured abuse. I’m healing it. This i come to find is true.

We all do the best we can do. Unfortunately, we make mistakes. We were taught what we know. We may have picked up and discarded some methods along the way. I know it may have caused major damages, yet at least they stayed and tried.

Unlike the cowards who abandoned their kids blaming the other parent for being the problem, crazy, angry, abusive absolutely insane… so why is okay for your child to be forced to live a life like that without you there to watch their back and protect them?

Exactly! Make it make sense. Stop buying the lies of these little children pretending to be women and men.

They didn’t ask to be born. It’s time all parents do what’s right for their children and learn to grow up and stop behaving like children themselves.

What are we teaching our children about how to behave when they see us act in these ignorant ways?

Now do you see how society has changed and yes we’re all to blame when we do nothing to force change and stop these toxic ways.

It’s time to get back to heart of the matters again. Tami Irizarry

The way forward is found through commitment to change for the greater good.

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Difference between narcissist and someone healing from narcissistic abuse

Narcissist committed to themselves to get what they want no matter pain to others. Careless

Committed to change in self. Want to better themselves and find a better way forward. Once someone heals from narcissistic pain fully they become the change we have been waiting to see.

This is the road to victory.

I’ve already begun speaking my truth I’ve endured enough pain for any one else to have to experience the same.

When we share our stories we can understand we’re not alone as we’ve been made to feel, there are others going through similar things. We call it out and then we begin.

Are you ready to stand up and join me?

Know the difference and then do the right thing. Together we end cycles.

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Vexation is being annoyed relaxation is releasing the annoyance.

We should all forever be in a state of relaxation and that begins with speaking up against the things that cause us to stay in the state of vexation.

If not we only allow a constant interruption of our relaxation by those we love because when love is true it is unconditional which also includes helping those we love as they navigate their journey.

Life hurts yet you can’t erase the past. So what do you do?

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I call back all the pieces of me I was forced to hide and leave behind as I became something else to protect myself and survive in this cold abusive world that is was only home and foundation.

It was where I learned all I was taught.
Abuse changes the way we see and feel about everyone and everything including ourselves.

It forces us as adults to walk alone in the hells we’ve created unaware that we’ve become jaded and are pushing away all that we love.
Change won’t happen until we begin to understand what happened to us all, only then can we clearly see this was never the way life was meant to be at all.

That’s when we take accountability and responsibility over the people we’ve become we stand and face the hard truths finally taking responsibility for the pain we too have caused in those we love.

Only then can we take all of our power back and stand up what’s for what’s right for everybody not just for you and not just for me, I MEAN EVERYBODY.

Change comes when we make the changes needed.
This is my life and I won’t let anyone else lead it!

Knocking on HEAVENS DOOR, you’re not alone.

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You need to feel it to understand the how’s and why’s of life.

I know you don’t love yourself very much at times, I went through the same thing for most of my life.

I love you so much and I wish you could see you like I see you.

I know you can accomplish anything you put your mind too.

The problem isn’t that you don’t try, it’s while you’re focused on you’re earthly desires you’re ignoring what’s inside.

The matters of the heart you will soon come to find is what truly matters.

Unfortunately it is where most lack.

So we fail to keep commitments to others and never commit in love.

We always keep a backup plan because most are afraid of being left alone, for some abandonment is all we’ve ever known.

Our self confidence has been worn down and our heart have been abused and we learned these ways because someone did it to them to and it was all they knew how to do.

The truth is some don’t care to learn another way they choose to stay the same it’s easier that way.

Along the way you got love twisted games were played, some were naive and didn’t realize these were manipulative ways or maybe they did that isn’t for me to say.

It felt like love to them just the same, some have never known it to be any other way.

What I’m saying is I see the truth of who you are and what you could be, in my heart you’re worthy of peace.

Yet you stand in your way so afraid to change.

Afraid to stand up and take full responsibility and accountability for yourself that means in all aspects including how you let others treat you. Instead you suffer waiting and accepting whatever they give with you grace because you long for connection with true understanding you long for true love.

It takes time first you have to truly begin to heal yourself so that you don’t destroy the next best thing.

Change won’t come unless we chose to begin.

I am telling you this so that when true love presents you push it away.

Don’t be so afraid to change that you sentence yourself to another term in the old ways that have been holding you back.

I PROMISE YOU THIS THERE IS NOTHING THAT YOU LACK!

Please love yourself enough to understand there is no one left to blame it’s time to take a good look at your life, try to see who you are truly as a person and if there’s a possibility that you are a problem in the ways you act and things you do?

We’ve all been hurt before now it’s time to make sure we don’t hurt anyone else with the things we choose to do.

It’s time to step out of your own way.

Your heart deserves to know peace.

Ask yourself how can it ever find peace if yourself distracted from your own healing?

Stop trying to be the hero, stop placing yourself in the middle of others tragedy you can’t save them if they don’t want to be saved.

They will drain they life out of you as you try.

You have your own little child inside trying to heal and the only way to do that is to let them know they are real, listen to what they need so they can grow with you and together you evolve into the being you were always meant to be.

The pure heart and soul who came to make a change instead of receiving care you were claimed by a world who tore your heart apart smiled and handed you the shreds of the remains and all the blame.

They took advantage of your beautiful heart, before they played with your mind and ripped your self value and self esteem apart.

Always know this,

YOU MATTER!

YOU HAVE VALUE!

YOU ARE LOVED!

YOU MAKE A DIFFERENCE!

YOU ARE IMPORTANT!

YOU ARE DESERVING OF A LIFE OF LOVE AND PEACE.

Fuck who ever told you less who are they to judge?

You have to make the choice to struggle through the pain of healing the past so you can step into the future on a foundation built to last.

Talk to me.

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We as a society are so drained from the reality of life.
People have no time to focus or care for themselves until forced to prioritize what matters.
Self realization on a deeply healing level begins when you have time to properly care for yourself.
Yet many go without making themselves a priority in their own lives so they sacrifice the things that matter and keep them balanced.
Such as..
Self care
Health
Family
Relationships
Love

When we will make time to focus on humanity again?

Instead we became so focused on reaching and maintaining the status quo, set by a society of narcissist who are interested in selling you the newest trends to keep you wrapped in their game of monopoly.

Work work work. Spend spend spend. When’s the last time you spent time with your kids, your partner, your family, your friends?

Balance is a beautiful thing my friend!

Please don’t take all your time and only focus on work.

I understand I enjoy the finer things too.

I promise there are people that are missing you make sure to prioritize them too.

How are your relationships with those you love? Are the healthy, healing,
loving and true?

Do you have open conversations or it is the basic hey how are you?

Is life fulfilling for you is it enough?

Do you wish you knew how to be heard and seen.

Communication and comprehension are key understand it’s not only what you’re saying it’s how you’re saying it that can make it hard to hear.

Teenagers are hard are you struggling with that I have experience I can help you with that!

Parents frustrating you because they aren’t willing to listen and you don’t know how to get through?

Talk to me I finally do!

Are there some things you wish you knew how to handle differently?

Is there someone you wish you could turn to at times like these?

More importantly are you ready to get back to the heart of the matter?

If so come and book a session with me! Tami Irizarry Divine Temptation Divine Temptations

Generational trauma breakers this is for you!!!

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I am so proud of you, this is so hard but keep going!! I love you.

Its changing keep pushing you’re in the thick of it we get all the blame and have to do all the work trust in the end it’s worth it.

You can’t ask for what you aren’t willing to give and while others may leave those spots unfulfilled its wise to look at all the voids they do fill and make sure they know they are also loved cared for and appreciated.

Love is not something we give only when convenient for us.

Love is a constant flow not a one way street where we only meet our own needs.

This is how we begin to heal, we begin to find value in each other.

Don’t back down speak on truth, lead in love and trust your heart!!

If it isn’t right for you don’t sit silently watching others being abused. When we speak it changes.

Stop allowing yourself to be destroyed by those you love.

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This is for any and every relationship not simply romantic.

I NEVER gave up on anybody I have loved.

I TALKED AND TALKED TO Them TO FIX CERTAIN THINGS and when it didn’t get fixed, I cried I begged I pleaded.

I grew silent and then I Focused on ME.

I never shut the door I just stopped holding myself up waiting for what they weren’t ready to battle within.

Nobody is going to repeat THEMSELVES EVERYDAY nor are people going to wait forever to get what they DESERVE..

The most selfish and manipulative thought process a person can have is to think you can treat people any kind of way and expect them to be there( saying that’s love and loyalty), then when they leave you say they gave up on you and make yourself to be the victim.

The truth is you didn’t care enough about them in the way they deserved to apply yourself, for what you thought you were ready for. You weren’t able to give the same love and care they were giving you. You took them for granted and thought they would never leave.

Keep it honest with yourself, if nothing else.

I only COMPLAINED BECAUSE I CARED once I stop caring it’s over when you’re ready come find me and we will have that conservation!

Love is forever, acceptance of poor behavior is not. It’s time to grow.

Here’s where we make our biggest mistake and we then live with pain and regret. We allow our ego and pride to take over.

We care more about being right we forget to consider what is right.

We are so afraid of being hurt we believe our worst fears. Instead of allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and

Instead of having simple conversations and trying to understand where the other was coming from.

We stay guarded only causing further pain to ourselves and those who love us.

If it’s love, it’s time to help each other and giving each other and opportunity for change and growth. Mean what you say, say what you mean. Don’t lie and manipulate, be honest and honor your commitments.

You can’t go through life simply thinking of yourself.

The world is hurting we can do better then this.

For too long we have continued these painful cycles.

Our children learn from what they see us accept and what they see us do.

Isn’t it time to do better so the future generations won’t have to suffer the same ignorance?

You are a gift to this world never forget that and when you move out of your own way there’s no holding you back!

Violence. Mental torment. Emotional harm. Control. manipulation. lies. None of that is love it has no part in love.

Call it what it is!

it’s abuse speak up and fight for your life and that of your children!

Thank you for your time and energy!

So much love to you all! If it helped you please Like. Share and Follow. ❤️

The beauty of new beginnings

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Every moment of everyday is a chance to begin again, if only you can change your perspective to see fully all the options before you choose.

Yet to be successful one must be able to understand which questions to ask and know when to ask them.

It’s important to grow the ability within yourself to question freely so that you may gain all the necessary and relevant information to make a proper decision which considers many of the consequences that may come from the choice you make.

Cause and effect is very real it’s what many call the law of karma.

However If information is withheld you’re not truly informed so how can you even begin to understand how things will work out?

Only when we honor ourselves by speaking up against those who treat us poorly, ignoring the basic of human decencies. We can truly make appropriate changes.

It’s time to start questioning outdated behaviors and beliefs that affect us without fear of retribution or alienation.

Many rely on hope, hope that things will turn out for the best, without any true understanding of the work that is needed to get to where we desire to be.

Change begins within each of us, yet no one can or should have to make you do, what you already know you should do.

Perhaps you don’t know what to do, wouldn’t you rather someone was honest with you letting you know that your behavior is hurtful?

Instead we walk away in pain leaving others no real reason why, further causing pain in all heart involved.

Avoidance clearly isn’t that way we’re going to get these issues solved.

Change only comes when something changes.

Aren’t you tired of the race to perfection that will never be achieved? I would far rather spend my time here making it better for me, so that the future generations may have a chance of a life of harmony.

It’s time for a better way, together we can end the pain. It begins with love. Love for self and love for others which requires a level of honesty most aren’t ready for.

Hard conversations are what open the doors to change. Step out of fear and let’s do what’s right for everyone.

It starts being less selfish and a bit more selfless, in very simple ways.. simply start by considering how your actions affect others and how you make them feel.

Now ask how they make you feel.

These thing are true love doesn’t hurt, insecurity and toxicity do, hurt people hurt people and they may not understand that they are causing you pain.

This could be normal do you truly know how they were raised and what level of pain they were forced to take from a very young age? So if you love and value them be open and honest and have hard conversations which give others room to grow.

We have to reach each other and help teach each other it’s time to stop assuming everyone knows. It’s also time to stop turning a blind eye there is so much wrong where’s the human decency we claim to have?

We can do better truly begin to heal this is our lives we can ignore that we all feel and want connection. Yet we live ourselves with regret pretending that we don’t hurt, put on a happy face shove the feelings down. Pride rules the world no one’s wants to be weak in another’s eyes.

What isn’t understood is it’s weak to lie to yourself or anyone else. It isn’t reality to say it doesn’t matter who are you lying to my guy? It’s weak to pretend not to feel. It’s weak to hide the real feelings away it’s weak because it’s not true and it only keeps us all in pain.

It’s strong to be vulnerable, terrified and true. It’s strong to feel it all and make a better way for you. It’s strong to stand up against all that is wrong, it’s strong to be a voice for the weak in a silent, blind and violent world.

Just like that

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She couldn’t help it.

Something had shifted when she woke up today she felt alive.

Not the type of alive where you simply exist going through the motions of life, no this was more like taking back control of her life..

She has started to live for her, it was time for change.

Too much life had been lost trying to make sense of all the pain, it hurt her heart and it drove her insane.

This was the beginning life would never again be the same and that was painfully beautiful.

To get to the beauty you have to get through the pain and while yes it hurts like hell everything you lose is nothing in comparison to what you will gain.

Healing isn’t some magic spell you say as you wish it all away.

Healing is unlearning toxic cycles you may have picked up along the way.

Healing is doing the work being honest and taking accountability for the pain you cause by your actions in the lives of others.

Healing is not putting your children and grandchildren through the same things that destroyed you.

Just because you survived it be better, they shouldn’t have to.

Remember one thing is true you give what you get in this life. You won’t truly see the effects it will have on your children until 20 years have passed like a blink of the eye.

Healing is trying to understand how you became who you are and ask yourself how you’re feeling this far.

Are you happy, do you feel heard, seen, understood, valued, loved, appreciated.. all of the above?

Now if you answered no to any of these ask yourself why, it’s time to come clean with yourself and stop allowing others to make you feel small.

Be honest are there things you wish you wouldn’t do too are you trying to change.

Are you trying to figure out how to be a better you?

Here’s a tip do it for your kids by doing it for you.

Children mimic what they see this is how you’re teaching them the people they will be.

Do people treat you as you deserve?

Do you speak up when they treat you poorly or do you stay silent while they hurt you with their actions and words?

Remember our children are watching it’s important the things they see.

Let’s be better then they we’re for you and me, I mean these kids are our hope for all humanity!